Sunny Days

I woke up today with the pleasant rays of the sun caressing my face. It’s summer time here in Manila as I write this entry but the past few days have been cloudy- As if the weather’s deliberately trying to reflect my mood. I’m very much thankful for the fact that at least I have one commiserating friend in the form of the weather and I feel like I need to express my gratitude and reciprocate by feeling a little “sunny” myself today…and I have very good reason to be.

When I woke up I came to the realization that being depressed and dispirited is a very unproductive way to spend the fleeting days of my summer. I have received a lot of pep-talk from friends whom I refused to listen to-nobody ever listens to pep talk when they’re depressed; it’s just a formality and a gesture of sympathy…feigned or otherwise, that I just can’t appreciate. Although I cannot say that the emotional injuries that I sustained (which I realized just now, were self-inflicted) are now totally healed, I can say that I’ve started to recuperate.

But depression is such a cruel thing. Waiting for it to go away is like waiting for a guillotine to save you from death; waiting for the waves of the ocean to save you from drowning. As much as we want to believe that the depression we’ve felt before has left us for good, it comes back to haunt us-with more intensity. It never goes away really; it just sleeps in our hearts and minds waiting to be triggered again and sadistically malign us again. But I don’t care, I still went out with for some sort of movie date and watched “Phone Booth” with a very good friend and it made my day. She made my day. I can’t say she feels the same way for me though since my mind was scattered all over the place. Maybe it’s because I haven’t had a decent shut-eye for almost a week now. But I digress. The point is I made myself happy- But isn’t it just odd how the things that supposedly make you sad could also make you happy?