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To whom it may concern

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

I never did tell you that during the last night we spent together, my consciousness was constantly invaded with premonitions. Forbidding intuitions of the future that I didn’t know looked down so grimly at us.

I often stirred from my sleep that night, shifting from one position to another, I was sweating yet cold, wondering why I had to be the way I was, inflicting pain onto you so fresh it was like the first time you had been hurt. It wasn’t like I cheated on you, nor was it anything close to being severe like getting you pregnant, but I was a pig for hurting you so bad. There was nothing I could do right; and there were many occasions that I curse myself for dragging you down in this position with me…

With the moonlight seeping in through the window along with the eerie glow of the neon signs across the alley, I could make out the contours of your body, doubled up on your side of the bed, curled up into a fetal position, as if you were bracing yourself from a brutal attack that will hit you violently from all sides. So I watched you fade in and out while clouds rolled over the moon; while the curtains swung in front of the window. TO see you this serenly is torture to me for knowing that when you wake up you will be faced with the reality that I have hurt you and we can no longer be together– the darkness was conducive to my melancholy and I saw the perfect opportunity to invoke my tears, get over with it while you’re asleep because I don’t want you to see me crying– I’d like you to remember me with the effervescent smile I had before we slept. I swallowed hard, and I feel as if an iron ball ball was rolling down my throat at ahalf an inch per hour and my loips was tempted to whimper. My eyes quivered, tears trying to force their way out of any available orifice. The moon came back full, and I saw your face, tranquil and asleep. That’s when I felt that I was no longer worthy to lie beside you.

It took me less than anhour to slip back into my clothes and sneak out the front door. I would have been out sooner but leaving while seeing you this tranquil and beautiful was difficult, it was aggravating and I came to the realization that I’m probably faced with the hardest thing I ever had to do in my whole life. Alas, I stared at your silhouette while you slept, one last gaze through the window before I headed out to my car parked outside your house.

Posted by mikey at 9:54 PM | permalink

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