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Stripclubs = expensive

Tuesday, July 5, 2005

Strip clubs, they say, are the summit of male entertainment and the ultimate embodiment of masculine pride. For those of you not familiar with them, these are clubs that men use to strip women of their dignity and similarly, these are clubs that strippers use to strip men of their hard earned money.  Actually, the main purpose of strip clubs is entertain men, and to sucker them into giving away large sums of money. Men happily pay hundreds, if not thousands of pesos to see girls work their collective booties on the stage. But what’s really the draw of the strip club? Is it the naked girls that make men’s loins throb in desire, or is there a deeper reason?   Well to deliberately ruin the ending of this story, let me say it’s the naked girls you morons.  But for the sake of writing an article, it’s time we took a dive into what makes strip clubs popular.

 

I was supposed to write a story about my first time in a strip club but I had too much to drink and everything was a drunken haze.  Although I remember being ushered into a “VIP” room which is essentially a small room with a couch a Videoke machine, checkered tiles and sequenced lighting that is enough to induce an epileptic seizure.  I also remember having to choose a girl whose company I’m going to have the privilege of spending my time in the club with that night.  The “Mama-san” was kind enough to introduce me to several girls on the club’s roster that night: There was Marge, the leather-clad dominatrix; there was Michelle, who for some reason was wearing a Kournikova-esque tennis attire; (does anybody actually find this sexy?) then there was Patricia who was trying her best to sport a Hit me baby one more time, Britney Spears look. 

The choice was obvious; there’s something about the catholic schoolgirl outfit that gets me off; the knee-high socks, the rolled-up, white, long-sleeved button-downs and the pigtails exude an aura of nubility which works perfectly for sexually deprived high school losers like yours truly.

I spent around two hours boozing more than anything else, I wasn’t the least interested in what Patricia was talking about, heck I didn’t come here for banter, let alone listen to your sad story about you being forced to take up this filthy  profession because you need to send your little sister to college.  My friends warned me that when one is visiting a strip club, there are certain rules of etiquette one should follow. First of all, unlike the outside world, in a strip club “No” does not mean “Yes”. Always ask before doing anything, and then stick with what they say, lest you be introduced to a large hulking bouncer with names such as “Diegong Twalya” or “Putot Esguerra”.  Second, keep in mind at all times that these are ladies. They have feelings and should be treated with dignity. Do not call them whores or sluts when they grind their sexual organs against yours during a lap dance, because they are very sensitive; the girls I mean, not the organs, their organs have long since lost sensation due to years and years of whoring.  With that said , I politely told Patricia that it’s getting late and I’m kind of in a hurry and asked her to start the show.  She flashed a rehearsed smile and happily obliged.

When someone’s stripping in front of you, you really don’t have much time to think of an appropriate reaction.  How DO you react?  This was a question I was contemplating on earlier before hormones caused my brain to revert back to lust-mode and I became consumed in watching “Patricia” unbuckle her belt and slide down her plaid miniskirt. 

Do you rave like an idiot and say things like, “work it baby!” and “shake that thang?” Do you just stand there and act like you’re lost in dreamy thought like an artist with nothing but genuine appreciation for the aesthetics of the female body?  I think I’ll just sit back and try to pretend that it’s not my first time to see naked woman before.

Another silly question I kept asking myself was what do you call the female equivalent of underwear?  If you call them underwear it brings to mind the imagery of saggy white men’s briefs with that crappy elastic band resembling bacon strips at the top. That’s not acceptable especially in situations where beautiful young women like Patricia are concerned. But say the word “panties” and you end up sounding like that drooling old pervert you sit next to in the bus. You know, he’s the smelly old fart that sounds just like Captain Hook in those Tagalog-dubbed Peter Pan cartoons; He’s rubbing his crotch and mumbling, “Panties…. I need to smell panties, show me your pleated white panties to lolo young girl…”

Anyway, Patricia was wearing one of these tiny red glossy panties as she kicks her skirt off against the table. Or at least I thought she was a millisecond ago; now her panties were on her finger and she’s naked save for her socks which I found inexplicably sexy. 

She does a little pirouette and gives me the whole view of paradise, and then she just stands there without any hint of embarrassment, smiling at me, seemingly enjoying the fact that my tongue is probably lolling like a dog’s.

I remember fumbling for a 100 peso bill so I can get myself the specialty of the house: the lap dance. Involving a calculated mix of rubbing, grinding, and concealing the disgust they have for you and your sweaty underarms, a lap dance is the ultimate ego booster for anyone who can’t get laid.

Unless you’re a celebrity or a millionaire, the ladies will almost certainly not touch your Epididymis or your shaft.  Still, the stripper will do everything in her entrancing power to keep you hoping. In fact, it’s their job to make you believe there will be sex so you’ll shell out more and more cash. You like what you see, but then you pay only to find out down the line that it’s just a dead end of hope-shattering disappointment and a crushing validation that you are a loser who can’t get laid.  Take my word for it, and don’t spend 2,500 pesos like I did finding out.

Posted by mikey at 7:32 AM | permalink

Previous Comments

Myk,

Punta tayo ng "Parkzone" sa birthday nina Brian at Chiong. Sagot naman nila yun kaya di mo na kailangang maglabas ulet ng 2,500 pesos. Aheheheh

Posted by Richard at July 5, 2005, 4:49 pm

am still at an age where i'm not made insecure by men supposedly interested in me also enjoying strip clubs…

but i know i'd start taking issue w/ this err… phenomenon when i really start sagging and wrinkling all over…

for how can one forever compete w/ fresh flesh? :)

buti na lang, the world is round… and there are clubs like White Bird for us girls naman :D

Posted by delish at July 5, 2005, 10:18 pm

ey.. it cannot only suit men.. but also lesbians. and your post would be better titled of as STRIPCLUBS = AIDS [ajehjeh!]

have a nice day mickzzzz =)

Posted by nao at July 5, 2005, 10:20 pm

Langya ka Richard, pero seryoso gusto kong mag Beerhouse ulit– dahil sa ngayon pwede mo akong tawaging "THE SEXUAL SAHARA" hahaha

delish; I'd have to agree, nakita ko pic mo sa blog mo– HUWAWWWW :) Hoy richard, yan o– Try naman nating mag Gigolo or Adonis maiba naman hehe.

Nao like I said…No Sex! :) Hell come to think of it, wala ring kiss– Who knows where their lips have been to.

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