In the not so distant future, in a land not too far away, television would be reduced to a capitalist mind control device which tells one what shampoo to use, what clothes to wear, what beer to drink or what car one should total by hitting an oak tree at 100 mph. The few of us who were lucky enough to experience true television entertainment before it defeated its own purpose would only be able relive it by telling teary eyed accounts to our kids. We would recant how it was when Big Bird strutted jovially on Sesame Street without being encumbered with the obligation of carrying a McDonald’s sign the size of a city bus on his back; or how Alyssa Milano looked so much better in a TV series called “Charmed” without that Taco Bell tattoo she now has on her face. But all of it would be for naught for the kids we’ll have in the future would be nothing but fascist robots controlled by the media. They would say “Fuck you, wrestling is sooooo NOT fake” and chase us around with chainsaws and eventually send us to media controlled concentration camps where we’d be brainwashed into believing that McDonald’s serves real food.
Commercialization has taken its toll on TV entertainment and has seemingly forgotten about it’s core purpose which, ironically, is to entertain. Most if not all the TV series airing today are based on lame, uninspired screenplay. More often than not, more value is allocated to aesthetics rather than talent which explains why most, if not all, TV actors and actresses we have today have about the same spontaneity as infomercials when it comes to their dialogue.
Actor: Your mother is dead and you can’t do anything about it!
Actress: (30 seconds later) Yes but you are a brute!
Actor: (2 minutes later) I love you! But I have to go to Paris to study. I would have an amnesia-inflicting car accident there, totally forget you and fall in love with an anorexic Japanese chick.
Actresss: (5 minutes later) You are such a brute! but if you order within 10 minutes, you’ll get not one! not two! but three! Yes! THREE fridge magnets! What a great offer!
This type of retarded scriptwriting is very rampant in Chinovelas. For those of you who don’t know, Chinovelas are the latest additions to the list of things we could produce locally yet we’re too lazy to. We also import rice, cars, basketball players, half-bred caucasian actresses as well as edible fungi from Norway. These are annoyingly stupid soap operas we import from China, Hong Kong, Korea or whatever God forlorn crevice of Asia they come from. Most people are unaware of the idiocy Chinovelas cause and the effect it has on the solar system as well as the traffic it causes due to people rushing home so as not to miss Lovers in Paris or whatever the fuck is showing on ABS-CBN around 6pm. For this very reason, I have decided to write a guide about Chinovelas.
A lot of people say
that the 80’s was the most enchanting
decade there is. And although I see it as a time of musical tumult
where glam rock queens and the likes of Johnny Rotten (Sex Pistols) and
Gene Simmons’ (KISS) grotesquely infamous tongue were at their
collective peaks kicking; there are still a lot of things I miss from
the 80’s apart from the tight-fitting leather pants and teased hair
that warranted people to brandish a sort of “Hey, look at me, I fucking
rock, I wear eyeliner and I’m pretty as a pony” attitude. Back in
the 80’s, there were a lot of fads that caught fire, enjoyed a period
of prominence, and then were supplanted by more “hip” crazes.
These are things that I genuinely enjoyed as a kid and looking
back, I can’t help but snicker
at the thought of me wearing neon socks with my mighty kids and
listening to Axl Rose screech like a speared warthog on my Sony
walkman.
I vividly remember the new year’s eve of 1989; while blankly staring
out the window, amid the fireworks and the pungent odor of gunpowder
that suffused the night air came the realization that 1989 was just
about over. Sprawled on the bloodied floor like a gut -shot
animal, 1989 clings to the precious few hours of existence it has left
somehow unaware
of its imminent doom. Soon a new decade will dawn and people would look
back at the
sepia images of the 80’s and realize that it went by too fast.
crazy about; the things we wished would stay forever (or never come back) and
altogether ask “What ever happened to the 80’s?”
Mike "Fucking" Villar
"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."
-Taken from my WikiBios page
