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So this is how it feels like to be Jesus

Friday, July 8, 2005

After the crushing validation of their affair I did what every guy would’ve done—I asked for the other party’s telephone number. I didn’t intend to engage myself in senseless confrontations but rather just give a gentle nudge with an elbow and say “Hey man, keep away from my girlfriend, she’s just confused.” But the situation took a serious turn; I was now shoved in a position where I would bear all the burden of her sins.

The blame was now on me. All of a sudden accusations of me not treating her right during our time together and being irresponsible in dealing with problems concerning the two of us were hitting me from all sides. It was so bad that it came to the point where I gave serious thought about it and ended up blaming myself too. It’s extremely draining on your self esteem—you ask yourself where you went wrong and what the problem with yourself is; you even reach the point when you’re desperate to just have her back and promise her that you will make amends with regards to your attitude if she gives you a second chance. Second chance; how fucked up is that? You have been blatantly betrayed by the person you gave your all to and here you are on your knees asking for a second chance. I mean, sure, we have been through rough patches as with most relationships but what I’d like to stress out is that nobody deserves to be cheated on. When you cheat on a person whom you claim you love, you’re backstabbing him/her. And backstabbing someone is the lowest blow one could possibly deliver to a human being because when you backstab someone, you deny him/her of the chance to defend himself/herself…

We have been together for 14 months and the amount of love in a relationship that long is resilient at least on my part; I struggled to reach out even though she was mad at me for no apparent reason; and I daresay she’s not in the position to be—spending a huge chunk of my meager salary to cover my phone bills just to check on her, see how she’s doing and sometimes just to hear her voice and make it all go away for a fleeting moment.

For a couple of weeks I have been like Jesus Christ. I loved, I was betrayed, I was spat at and insulted but still I continue to extend unconditional love and forgiveness; but I am NOT Jesus—and a man can only take so much; I spent a good amount of time trying to patch things up and try to salvage a friendship, but even that can’t be done.

People should realize that when trust and friendship is compromised in a relationship even love would not suffice to bring it back to life. The fire of love that burned within me is now reduced to embers of pity. I pity her because she’s confused and is in a situation where I couldn’t pick her up and try to set her on the right path.

My latest news is that she and her new boyfriend are madly in love with each other. Although it’s difficult for me to comprehend how somebody could throw away over a year’s worth of love and friendship and be in love with somebody she hasn’t even seen on a regular basis nor had the chance to spend quality time with.

Although I’m just slowly beginning to pick myself up from the aftermath, I remain forgiving. Forgiveness is the virtue that allows us to exercise civility; it draws the line between what we should be as human beings and what we were. The sins are grave but mercy should be equally patient. I do not seek retribution and I do not want her to suffer. To quote Paulo Coehlo in his monthly online publication, Warrior of the Light, “The golden rule in the East appears to be almost the same: ‘Never do to others what you would not want done to you.’ This is based on an understanding of all the things that make us unhappy, including having to obey a model of happiness imposed on us by others - and that makes all the difference.”

In order to improve the world, we do not impose our own way of showing our love, we try instead to avoid making others suffer.’

So show respect and care when dealing with your fellow man. Jesus said: ‘You shall know them by their fruits.’ And old Arab proverb says: ‘God judges the tree by its fruits, not by its roots.’ And according to a popular proverb: ‘The beater forgets the beating, the beaten never do.’

Posted by mikey at 12:30 AM | permalink

Previous Comments

Hey Mikey, "you must become an advocate of what you believe, otherwise you will become a victim of what others want you to believe"- Jesse Jackson

MY REPLY TO YOUR COMMENT (I thought you should know *wink*)The entries here were writtten in poetic form and the metaphors used were very vivid and graphic that I could feel and see what you were expressing there. Keep it coming, Mikey! Right, you have untapped potentials waiting to be discovered. If, because a blogging, you get published, remember I told you that you have the skill, that you're a writer material!

Posted by Teacher Sol at July 8, 2005, 1:31 am

Thanks Teacher Sol :) I appreciate it. I was a contributing writer for several publications before but I can't fit it into my schedule right now. My ultimate goal is to publish a book. I believe a man's life isn't complete until he has written one. :)

Posted by Anonymous at July 8, 2005, 1:45 am

pucha pramis ngayon ko lang nabasa to. I'm sorry.

hay nako, it's her loss, not yours!
kaya manlibre ka na lang ha hehehe pag nakuha mo na pera mo woohoo!!!

Posted by abbee at July 8, 2005, 5:20 am

hi mikey!

u deserve someone better! trust me, second chances don't work if TRUST is broken.

God bless!

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Mike "Fucking" VillarAwesome

"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."

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