Coffee, love, sex and aliens

Sunday, August 7, 2005

Sometimes
you just have it coming. You drank a lot last night and you’re sure as hell
that you’re going to pay for it. I mean do the math. X+Y=Z. ‘X’ represents the
total number of beers you downed. ‘Y’ is the total hours of sleep you’ve had.
And ‘Z’ is the monster hangover that’s going to kick your sorry little ass down
a flight of stairs.

Of
course, there are preventive measures you can take. Who knows? You might get
away with an underhanded preemptive strike. You could drink gallons of water
before crashing to bed, pop some Ponstan or whatever; but everybody knows that
these rarely work and chances are still good that you’re not going to simply
walk away from all of this feeling anything less than a very bad day in hell.

Surprisingly,
there are mornings when you wake up doubled up in a fetal position expecting
the dreaded thing to hit you from all sides but realize that Lord Hangover
feels unusually merciful today. These are the rare occasions when you rise from
your hangover like fucking Lazarus. You were a stiff dead guy the night before
but you kind of shoot out of your tomb this morning, got yourself some
breakfast complete with that somewhat brackish cup of instant coffee and
everything seems to be normal.

I don’t
know how this sort of thing happens, but I rolled off bed today relatively
unscathed. There’s this ringing on my left ear, but other than that I feel
peachy.

You see,
last night, I went out boozing with my good friend Jenan; it feels weird
to go out drinking on a Friday night instead of the usual Saturday night, but I
figured that since I’m a normal person now who works through a regular 9am to
6pm shift, I might as well get used to it. We sat down to talk and have coffee somewhere
in West Avenue to help cleanse the putrid stream of alcohol
running through our system.

“I’m
really sorry I was late tonight, Jenan.” I said through the ambient Jazz music
and droning of people in the smoking section of the Café. “I got called in for
a quick meeting as I was about to get off and you know how those go.” I added.

“You
weren’t late Mike, you were extremely
late.” She said taking a sip of her cup.

“Okay let
me be honest with you, I was supposed to get off around 7pm but I must’ve looked at my
wristwatch a hundred times before it occurred to me that the goddamn thing
stopped. After the meeting, I went out to drag in some nicotine and I glanced
at it. It read 6:22. So I decided to do some more research to pass the time
and took another look at it after a few minutes. Still 6:22. So I thought what
the hell right? I might as well get a move on since it’s Friday and rush hour
EDSA is normally unforgiving. I shutdown my workstation, grab my keys and
jacket and looked at my watch again. Dammit, it’s still 6:22!! Now what kind of sadistic prank
is this?! What the fuck?! Then it finally occurred to me that the second hand
of my watch wasn’t moving.” I said massaging my temples and stirring my coffee
lazily at the same time.

“That’s
interesting; maybe some space aliens were using you as a guinea pig or
something. Maybe for an experiment on the subjectivity of time.” She laughs.
“Imagine them asking amongst themselves questions like ‘How long do you suppose
this primitive life form could figure out we removed the batteries of his
watch.” Sometimes I wonder why all my female friends are annoyingly witty
bitches.

“You know
what? That is a very plausible theory!” I said shaking a finger at her like I
had a point. “Maybe they have alien names like Zordo and Glizz or something.” I
said wrinkling my forehead trying to look serious. “Just observe Zordo, he’s going to look at it again and still not
realize what’s going on. Just watch. How about we make a wager? A hundred
bucks? You’re on buddy boy!Here he
comes, he looks like he’s getting his jacket. He’s looking at it! He’s looking
at it! He’s looking right at his watch! HAH! He still didn’t realize that his
watch wasn’t working! Cough it up bitch!” I said coming up with the worst
drunken story in human history.


Jenan was
laughing so hard I almost felt embarrassed on her behalf. Her brown eyes are
still wide awake in spite of all the alcohol we consumed earlier. This girl’s a
real life superhero as far as I’m concerned. She doesn’t need a costume to turn
herself into the Impervious-to-the-effects-of-alcohol
girl. She just needs a steaming cup of coffee.

I, on the
other hand, am an obnoxious drunken thing. I make a feeble attempt at doing
something coordinated like trying to drink my coffee and I screw it up. It was too late before I
realized it was too hot and I ended up doing the manly thing to do which was to
suck everything in even if I felt like the innards of my mouth just suffered
third degree burns.

“Wait,
wait, wait…” Jenan said putting down her coffee cup. “What’s going on with you
and that Nixie girl you were dating?” She asks. “Judging from the way you talk
about it, I have a feeling that you’re trying to avoid a potential
relationship. What’s the real deal?”

“That’s
basically my plan. And I don’t expect it to change in the near future.”

“You
fucking asshole! Are you still trying to hide this from me?!” She reaches
across the round coffee table and pinches me in the side.

“Owwww!!!!
It’s just that I have something better than a girlfriend now and I don’t want
to ruin that!” I cried out a little too loud as I notice other people in the
coffee shop darting me with irritated looks.

“Okay, so
how often do you see each other?” She said, finally releasing me from her death
pinch.

“Weekly;
actually was planning to see her tomorrow.”

“Wohooo!
Sex!” boy, did she say that a little louder than necessary.

“Kind of
cool eh? I’m the geek who usually looks forward to spending intimate time with
my PlayStation or my PC on weekends. It’s refreshing to have some sex to look
forward to for a change.” I say feeling a tad embarrassed.

“Let me
ask you though Mike, do you feel it for her? Do you expect all of this dry
humping to blossom into a wonderful relationship?” She asks.

“I don’t
have a definite answer for that yet. Although, I can say that she is very
special and she takes me away from all this routine. You know what I mean? My
life is one huge fucking routine. I go to work, I come home, eat dinner, watch
TV, sleep. Sure I go out on weekends like this to get drunk and I guess that
takes me away for a while but come Monday, the entire Rat race starts again.” I
said borrowing a term from Kiyosaki.“Nixie’s a wild card and I love that about her. She’s just what I need
at this point in my life.” I add.

She
laughed so hard at that and before I realized it, I was laughing along with her
although I’m not exactly sure what’s so funny. But we were getting the
attention of our fans again so we decided to pipe down.

My last
comment about Nixie got me thinking about her a lot. My emotions got to
swirling themselves around in a blender and I had a weird feeling of wanting to
be with her right now. Yes. Right NOW.

I
don’t
know if anybody can relate to me about this one but I tend to associate
scents with various situations in my life. Like for instance, there’s a
smell I
associate when I’m nervous, there’s a smell I associate with childhood;
hell
there’s even a smell I associate with flu.

Right now, I smell
love.

Posted by mikey at 12:29 AM | permalink

Previous Comments

Love blog entries from us?!

Man, we are so gay.

Posted by Pau at August 7, 2005, 12:51 am

Amen sistah!

Give me a gay five!

Posted by Anonymous at August 7, 2005, 1:12 am

Funny, how the sense of smell works. Smoke always brings me to summers spent climbing trees in Pangasinan back when I was yea high.

"I go to work, I come home, eat dinner, watch TV, sleep. " That's my life, minus the dinner part. Food surprisingly is not enticing as it used to be for me.

Posted by shugabu at August 7, 2005, 8:56 am

oooh loooove.maybe you do need a wild card.and wouldn't that be great!!

Posted by golda at August 7, 2005, 9:52 am

[3] Shugabu: Smoke as in Cigarette smoke? Or Smoke of burning dry grass?

Golda: It is great. We'll see what happens.

Posted by Anonymous at August 7, 2005, 10:42 am

fuck, u are falling in love, pare. i told u so!!! sooner than later!!!!

Posted by maggie at August 7, 2005, 1:38 pm

Great blog.

Thanks for visiting mine. I'll be back.

Posted by GeekGirl at August 8, 2005, 12:55 am

[6] It's still wait and see Maggie.

GeekGIrl: Hey thanks for stopping by.

Posted by Mike at August 8, 2005, 1:02 pm

wow, u smell love! it's like a love story unfolding itself right here on your blog.

love the way you write! oh, and hail those witty bitches! hahaha

Posted by angeni at August 9, 2005, 4:10 am

kids… falling in love?? he he

Posted by bing at August 9, 2005, 10:24 am

thanks angeni.
and Bing. I'm hardly a kid. I have hair growing on weird parts of my body .

Posted by Anonymous at August 9, 2005, 4:03 pm

"the gift of love is an amazing thing; but it can also be the most burdensome." - i know you read this somewhere, mikey. :) . oh btw, i am done!!!!

Posted by maggie at August 9, 2005, 5:35 pm

Yep. hehe.

Done with what?! done with me!? nooooooooooo!

Posted by Anonymous at August 9, 2005, 5:37 pm

para ka nang male carrie bradshaw, mikey! hehehe!

Posted by ladycharlie at August 9, 2005, 10:20 pm

Yeah sex and the shitty.

Posted by Mike at August 9, 2005, 10:37 pm

bading ka

Posted by ggg at December 1, 2005, 2:38 am

Love……. hayy.. juz remeber….safest sex is no sex at all! ahaha.. *bow*

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Mike "Fucking" VillarAwesome

"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."

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