Peanuts and Balls: Quite possibly the best chat I had in years

Thursday, September 8, 2005

(20:34:35)
Some Girl:
may
i know whose this
(20:35:00)
Mike:
This is
Joe. You sent me a message through my website. Who’s this?
(20:35:26)
Some Girl:
thnk
you very much.. im looking for you..
(20:36:06)
Mike:
Um, do I
owe you money? How much? I’m kinda broke right now but if you could
give me a month I could pay you off
(20:36:52)
Some Girl:
no
imaen i nid your advice / whose joe is rhis/
(20:37:20)
Mike:
I’m Joe D
Mango on the radio but my real name is Dominador Escueta. What sort
of advice?
(20:37:50)
Some Girl:
how
will i know if your really joe.. you know there many people around
who just want to play.. Im sorry im just asking
(20:37:59)
Some Girl:
well
in my love life
(20:38:33) Some
Girl logged out.

(20:39:14)
Mike:
Okay now
we’re talking! What’s wrong with your love life? do you like
kids?
(20:39:28) Some
Girl logged in.

(20:40:49)
Some Girl:
im
sorry my comp hang
(20:40:57)
Some Girl:
about
this guy
(20:41:05)
Mike:
Wait wait
wait
(20:41:13) Some
Girl:
what
(20:41:47)
Mike:
let me
get this straight; judging from your name I gather that you’re a guy.
Now you’re gonna tell me a problem you have with a guy? Am I
the only person who thinks that sounds wrong?
(20:42:26)
Some Girl:
nope
i, a girl.. thats how my friends call me
(20:42:48)
Some Girl:
can
i call you.. if its okey
(20:42:52)
Mike:
Not that
I have a problem with gay people mind you, I actually have a lot of
close friends who are gay. I even gave one mouth babies but let’s not
talk about that.

(20:42:55)
Some Girl:
thru
this comp


(20:43:30)
Mike:
I’d
rather chat sorry. I’m editing letters for the next love notes
episode you see.


(20:43:44)
Mike:
so tell
me what your problem is with this guy.


(20:44:10)
Some Girl:
om
sorry.. wait ill just get my letter and paste it here


(20:44:17)
Mike:
oh don’t
do that!


(20:44:30) Some
Girl:
why

(20:45:01)
Mike:
Let’s do
this like we’re talking in a cafe, me sitting across you; sipping a
green tea frap. Obviously we’re in starbucks.


(20:45:16)
Some Girl:
okey
i see..


(20:45:38) Mike:It’s just more personal that way; I’d like to get
personal with my listeners you see.


(20:45:53)
Some Girl:
well
this guy is my sutor when i was in hig skul


(20:45:57)
Some Girl:
im
so touch


(20:46:08)
Mike:
He
touched you?


(20:46:32)
Mike:
I don’t
get it. He touched you? and you let him? WHY?!


(20:46:42)
Some Girl:
i
dind like him so i drop him that was i think 10 years ago


(20:46:58)
Mike:
how high
did you drop him from? did you give him head?


(20:46:59)
Some Girl:
im
so touch when you say you wqant to get personal


(20:47:15)
Some Girl:
no
imean.. binasted ko sya.


(20:47:24)
Mike:
oh yeah I
like touching girls. Especially my listeners.


(20:47:30)
Mike:
okay
then?


(20:47:42) Some
Girl:
nung d na nya ko nililigawan, i
beagn to like him


(20:48:29)
Some Girl:
i
hated mo for treating him , the way i treat him when he courted me..
so he try to foget me and find another girl


(20:48:58)
Mike:
okay go
ahead, I’m rubbing myself here.


(20:49:17)
Some Girl:
to
make the story short.. we already have our family right
now,


(20:49:56) Some
Girl:
im already separated for almost
1 year and half.. and i recover for that heartbreak


(20:50:06)
Mike:
Do you
have kids?


(20:50:15)
Some Girl:
my
husban have his own family right now with 2 kids


(20:50:21)
Some Girl:
i
have 1 son


(20:50:27)
Mike:
is your
son cute?


(20:50:38)
Some Girl:
il
show yo his picture


(20:50:50)
Some Girl:
here
it is


(20:50:51) Mike:and I know this is irrelevant but how did you have him?
C-section or normal delivery?


(20:51:05)
Some Girl:
cs

(20:51:11)
Some Girl:
isnt
he cute


(20:51:19) Some
Girl:
like his mom

(20:51:54)
Mike:
very
cute. I can’t wait til he grows up to be a nubile little boy.


(20:52:51) Some
Girl:
so going back… i already
forget the heartache that my husband gave to me.. and tthis guy came
to the picture.. his cousin is my best friend thts way we get close
again


(20:52:56) Mike:I need a second. I’m getting excited here.

(20:53:09)
Mike:
can you
type “Nubile little boy” for me?


(20:53:24)
Mike:


(20:53:28)
Mike:


(20:53:29)
Some Girl:
“Nubile
little boy why?


(20:53:44)
Mike:
OHHHHHHHHHWwww
that hit the spot!


(20:53:48)
Mike:
whew.

(20:53:53)
Mike:
nothing.
tee hee.


(20:53:54) Some
Girl:
what you mean

(20:53:58)
Some Girl:
okey

(20:53:59)
Mike:
Okay
going back..


(20:54:47)
Some Girl:
his
wife give birthb to their first child but unfortunately she did not
recover… i forgot… what do you call that..


(20:55:06)
Some Girl:
i
mean that.. she suffer from


(20:55:15)
Mike:
You mean
she died from delivering a huge-ass baby?


(20:55:52)
Some Girl:
no
naging gulay sya


(20:56:28)
Mike:
or did
she just turn into an bed-ridden invalid wench? If that’s the case
it’s not so bad. As long as she can still suck using her mouth and
move her tongue.


(20:56:29)
Some Girl:
pero
as of now nakaklakad na sya.. pero her brain and body function is not
normal


(20:56:44) Mike:Oh I see. Okay then what happened?

(20:57:11)
Some Girl:
For
almost a year his wife is not normal. She forgot almost everything,
his brain is damage and so as his body function


(20:58:12)
Some Girl:
i
text him and ask him about their hiring in their company.. he is a
seaman.. because his mom and i are talking and her mom inform me
about the hiring in their company


(20:58:50)
Some Girl:
so
that started all.. we became close and by the e learned from his mom
that im already separated


(20:59:01)
Mike:
So he’s a
semen?


(20:59:12) Some
Girl:
yes thats right

(20:59:23)
Mike:
that’s a
very…fertile job.


(20:59:49)
Some Girl:
but
according to him his cousin and his mom.. his a very good
guy


(21:00:16) Some
Girl:
fertile job….what do you mean
by this?


(21:00:34)
Mike:
I mean he
probably has a lot of money.


(21:00:52)
Some Girl:
ah
okey.. and thats one of his problem


(21:01:15)
Mike:
But the
thing with semen are they like to go up tubes and stick their head
into eggs and stuff like that. They’re absolute
womanizers.


(21:01:42)
Some Girl:
i
think his not


(21:02:08)
Mike:
Well okay
if you say so sister. He’s the first semen who didn’t like chicks
that’s for sure.


(21:02:24)
Some Girl:
according
to him.. i know him since we were in high skul.. and we have the same
church or religon


(21:02:40)
Mike:
Are you
methodist? Do you like meth? how about crystal meth?


(21:02:41)
Some Girl:
i
just hope his telling the truth


(21:02:50)
Some Girl:
no
protestant


(21:03:02)
Mike:
Okay. So
what’s the problem. Tell me the core problem.


(21:03:22)
Some Girl:
well
we fell in love with each other


(21:03:25)
Mike:
Well I
absolutely love crystal meth.


(21:03:33)
Some Girl:
sure

(21:03:59)
Mike:
Well I
don’t see any problems with that. I mean his wife is pretty much
useless in bed and all.


(21:04:08)
Some Girl:
We
love each other so much to the extend that according to him he dont
love his wife anymore… maybe bec of her wifes situation


(21:04:31)
Mike:
Do you
guys have sex?


(21:04:47)
Some Girl:
the
problem is.. I know his family.. im very close to his
family


(21:04:50) Some
Girl:
we did

(21:04:59)
Mike:
Was it
good?


(21:05:12) Some
Girl:
what you mean

(21:05:26)
Mike:
I mean
does he say stuff like “THE PRINCES IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE”
when he has sex with you?


(21:05:39)
Mike:
or does
he say “THOU PROTESTETH TOO MUCH?”


(21:05:55)
Some Girl:
what
u mean .. i dont get it


(21:06:10)
Mike:
Nevermind.
Well anyway. I was asking you was it worth it? Was it good
sex?


(21:06:28) Some
Girl:
yeh of course

(21:06:37)
Mike:
and where
do you do it? Your place or his?


(21:06:41)
Some Girl:
pls
explain it to me


(21:06:51)
Some Girl:
no
somewhere


(21:07:09)
Mike:
I have to
know. Because I have this method of telling love and lust apart
unlike most people.


(21:07:26)
Mike:
I studied
that in college it’s called Maslow’s theory of lust and love by Jane
Austen.


(21:07:43) Mike:So where do you do it? Motels? Cars?

(21:07:50)
Mike:
Bakeries?

(21:08:12)
Some Girl:
both

(21:08:29)
Some Girl:
but
not Bakeries


(21:08:33)
Some Girl:
heheheheh

(21:09:54)
Some Girl:
i
think ur messge is tooo long


(21:09:59)
Mike:
Yeah
that’s messed up. don’t do it in bakeries. I mean I buy bread from
bakeries for chrissakes.


(21:10:34)
Some Girl:
so
whts the matter if we do it inside the car


(21:10:57)
Mike:
So in the
motels do you leave the TV on? Or do you watch Discovery
channel?


(21:11:21) Some
Girl:
no…………. turn the lights
of


(21:11:56) Mike:Well according to Albert Maslow, if you do it in the car
it’s our medula oblangata that functions which means it’s just lust.
and the guy would probably drop you like a hot potato after giving
you mouth babies using his bird.


(21:12:14)
Mike:
It’s sad
that girls don’t know that.


(21:12:32)
Some Girl:
really..
know i know.. but i already did it


(21:12:42)
Some Girl:
i
mean now i know


(21:13:13)
Mike:
Anyways,
when you do it in the motel; what position do you use? Missionary?
Helicopter? Suspended chimp? Double Barrel whammy?


(21:14:19)
Some Girl:
i
dont kow normal…. 69… woman on top..why you ask


(21:15:45)
:
Buzz!!

(21:15:58)
Mike:
It’s
important too you know! According to Bob Tolkien, when couples do a
‘woman on top’ the guy is more likely to be more submissive in the
relationship meaning he wouldn’t mind if you cheat on him with some
Hobo, or crush his balls using a ming vase; He’ll just simply LOVE
YOU


(21:16:00) Some
Girl:
are you stil there

(21:16:28)
Some Girl:
relly
he really love that position


(21:16:33)
Some Girl:
how
about 69


(21:16:46)
Mike:
And while
he’s loving you, musical little creatures will follow him where ever
he goes like he’s the f’ing fruit fairy.


(21:17:00)
Mike:
What’s 69
I’m not familiar with that sorry, care to describe it?


(21:17:12)
Some Girl:
i
dont get it.. matalinhaga


(21:18:17)
Some Girl:
the
man will kiss the girl at her you know.. and vice versa


(21:18:37)
Mike:
where?! I
don’t get it.


(21:18:58)
Some Girl:
at
her peanut and at his balls


(21:19:04)
Some Girl:
get
it


(21:19:13) Mike:Ooooooookay.

(21:19:34)
Mike:
Well I
don’t know.


(21:19:53)
Some Girl:
I
have this guilt feeling, I always think that Im his other woman, but
he always tell me that his mother and fFather wuill understand him
because of his situation. Im afraid of whats to come and whats
waiting for us and also what will other people will say about our
relationship. I dont want to lose him again, I feel he really love me
more necause he call me almost everyday


(21:20:21)
Mike:
Okay let
me give you advice. a very brutal one.


(21:20:33)
Some Girl:
how
about the normal position


(21:20:53)
Mike:
Well
normal is just that. Normal. Vanilla. it’s boring.


(21:21:02)
Some Girl:
korek

(21:22:17)
Mike:
Well I
think you’re just doing this for yourself because you desperately
need somebody to satisfy your primordial need to be pampered. I’m not
saying there’s anything wrong with you because all women have that
need. And it’s annoying. Very.


(21:23:16)
Some Girl:
but
i feel i really love him and i forget my ex


(21:24:27)
Mike:
And him,
he’s just seeing you because he wants to have sex with a normal,
consenting female for a change. I mean come on! Have you tried doing
a paralyzed girl with problems in her plumbing? How about a girl that
looks like Jesse ‘the body’ ventura? I HAVE and it’s not
nice!


(21:24:58) Mike:do you have a picture?

(21:25:04)
Some Girl:
yes

(21:25:23)
Mike:
can you
send it to my email v1ll4r@yahoo.com


(21:25:33) Mike:and the pic of the guy please if you have one

(21:26:25)
Some Girl:
WHY

(21:27:02)
Some Girl:
ANG
PANGI NYA DUN EH.. NAKASIDEVIEW


(21:27:09)
Mike:
doesn’t
matter.


(21:27:28) Some
Girl:
YOU WANT TO SEE IT

(21:27:46)
Mike:
um yeah.
Do you have friendster?


(21:28:04)
Some Girl:
i
have..


(21:28:16) Some
Girl:
how about
you..hheeheh


(21:28:54)
Mike:
I don’t.
Friendster’s gay.


(21:29:22)
Some Girl:
ill
end u na lang the pic or show it here


(21:29:25)
Some Girl:
wait

(21:29:39)
Mike:
send
it.


(21:31:12) Mike:You’re actually pretty hot you know.

(21:31:22)
Some Girl:
wait

(21:31:23)
Mike:
You
deserve better than this semen guy.


(21:31:24)
Some Girl:
why
u say


(21:31:39) Mike:because I saw your pics on friendster and you look
pretty tasty


(21:31:50)
Some Girl:
ganun

(21:31:54)
Mike:
you
simply deserve better. Forget the semen guy!


(21:32:10)
Some Girl:
i
dont want.. i love him


(21:32:30)
Some Girl:
why
do you say forget him.. you tyhink my life will be
misserable


(21:33:16)
Mike:
Definitely.
I mean players only love you when they’re playing. I know a Sensitive
New Age Guy who could love you more. like definitely LOVE you. his
name’s Mike.


(21:33:58)
Mike:
if you
want I could hook you guys up.


(21:34:10)
Some Girl:
nohhh
where do you get the name mike


(21:34:27)
Some Girl:
who
my husband


(21:34:49)
Mike:
No I said
I know a guy whose name is Mike. He’s sensitive, a little chubby and
has dark underarms but he’ll love you long time.


(21:35:09)
Some Girl:
whose
that


(21:35:16) Mike:a friend.

(21:35:20)
Mike:
You want
his number?


(21:35:34)
Some Girl:
im
sorry.. i dont wat


(21:35:47)
Some Girl:
why
are you giving me this gut


(21:36:10)
Mike:
because I
know he’ll treat you right.


(21:36:41)
Some Girl:
but
i dont know him.. and i dont like himm can you show me his
picture


(21:37:34) Mike:he has friendster.

(21:38:10)
Mike:
check him
out and send him a message if you’re interested. his email address is
mike.villar@gmail.com you
can search that in friendster.


(21:40:17)
Some Girl:
wit
but thts not my problem


(21:41:18)
Mike:
but
there’s nothing good sex can’t take away. I suggest you contact him.
Now.


(21:42:05) Some
Girl:
d ko namn habol ang sex
eh\


(21:42:10) Mike:well you suck.

(21:42:19)
Some Girl:
what

(21:42:24)
Mike:
I said
YOU SUCK.


(21:42:38)
Some Girl:
i
dont need it


(21:43:07)
Mike:
go away!


(21:43:10) Mike:I hate you!

(21:43:19)
Some Girl:
are
u realy joe


(21:43:22)
Mike:
um
no.


(21:43:40) Mike:I’m Bob.

(21:43:54)
Some Girl:
whose
bob


(21:44:08) Mike:So now you wanna be friends?

(21:44:10)
Mike:
Go
away!


(21:44:40) Some
Girl:
my god

Posted by mikey at 9:14 PM | permalink

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