i
know i won’t live for long. ill be dead by the time im in my 50’s. in
fact, if there was any other time i would have been dead in the past, a
while ago would be it.

it is funny what
traffic can make you think. junjun, my two-month driver, taught me the
art of defensive driving. i must, in all cases, obey traffic rules. it
is ironic that it is of this principle that i almost got into a
what-could-possibly-be a nasty car accident this morning. the fucking
traffic light turned red all of the sudden. it fucking did! and so i
fucking stepped on the car brakes. the middle-aged man who was driving
a pretty old sedan behind me almost died of heart attack. his car’s
tires screeched, giving a girlish, titillating sound as the front edge
of his car kissed the ass of mine.

there
is one thing i learned when i started driving, though. the road is easy
on you when you are a girl. when he passed me by, he gave me a long,
lingering glare and sped off. the innocent, no-inkling expression on my
face probably killed his urge to shout and make a fuss.

i
went back home, changed into my old, homey clothes and for the first
time since two and a half years ago, i washed my car. a few hundred
meters away and 30 minutes after nine am on a tuesday, makati starts
building up a traffic.

i was oblivious.
to the fact that i should have been in my laguna office by that time.
to the fact that i almost got into a car accident in the heart of
makati city and without a valid driver’s license. to the fact that i
should have been cleaning the mess in my life right now rather than the
one-day old dirt on my car.

for that one-good helluva moment, it felt great to be alive.