You know how some people have weird
toilet habits? Well I have a REALLY fucking weird one: when I take a
leak, I don’t unbuckle my belt and unbutton my pants; I just pull down
my zipper and whip out my bird (henceforth referred to as Joyce). Now
Joyce maybe less than an inch long hard and
about as big around as a pencil but forcing it through the serrated
opening of an unzipped fly still hurts. I am lazy like that so sue me.
Asshole.
Suffice it to say that Joyce, in all her lilliputian glory, can be
quite uncontrollable when not harnessed by strong,
capable hands. She tends to shoot urine wildly in every direction like
the most amazing, berserk vietnam war veteran in the world. She does
this quite indiscriminately too, as she did a while ago by shooting
upward and creating a wet blotch on my blue shirt. She also thought it
funny to squirt a few more drops as I wrestled her back into my tighty
whities therefore creating another small, albeit disgusting splotch on
my gray pants.
Now I’ve learned some pretty important lessons from this experience:
Smoking while taking a leak is not a good idea.
Having a cigarette on your left hand and a coffee mug on your right WHILE taking a leak is definitely not a good idea.
Running
into a cute girl from the production company next door with your shirt
and the crotch part of your pants drenched in urine is not fucking
good.
Saying something retarded like “Hi miss beautiful” to redeem yourself is just. plain. STUPID.
Now Joyce, baby, you know I love you;
but it’s things like this that make me wish that you’d just wither
and fall off. Bitch.
Mike "Fucking" Villar
"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."
-Taken from my WikiBios page
