“can i be of use? i feel so useless here.”
i told daniel as i sat on the kitchen table and watched him sliced the
spices. with an empty stomach and a glass of london’s gin and pineapple
juice in effect already, it wouldn’t be long till i dozed off.

“well, you can refrain from falling into sleep when i serve dinner.” he chuckled.

i could sleep right now. God, i so badly need a sleep. and makati is around fifteen kilometers away from here. more or less.

“why don’t you let me handle this alone and you go and take a nap? i will wake you up when dinner is ready.” he suggested and with a reassuring smile, urged me to go and lie on the hammock near the garden pool.

as
i layed myself there, watching a starless sky and the still waters in
the pool, i restrained myself from asking what i was exactly doing
there. or why i am wasting my party-inspired get up and chose to be in
the middle of ayala alabang village, in a house that looks so sad and
so big for the two of us. i closed my eyes, more on the hopes of
avoiding such questions rather than falling into sleep and dream
controversial dreams.

when he said
“dinner’s ready”, it was visually ready. two candlelights glittered its
orange light against the pool’s bluish water sparkle. everything was on
the table, except dessert. the dinner was simple, but for some reason
it was a product of effort. and i like the dishes he prepared,too,
perhaps, at that particular moment, more than i can admit i do him. it
has been a long time i let somebody cooked me dinner. to actually
surrender and let somebody satiate you a sumptuous and fulfilling
dinner is too dangerous. maybe i was too hungry to consider that fact.
or maybe i subconsciously yearns for anything, anything, we can do
together.

“chico…?!” i shouted as he was taking out the ice cream from the fridge after we finished the meal.

“yeah?”

“i could get used to this.” i told him and grinned. i heard him laugh and he came back with the ice cream can on his arm.

maybe
he likes me. maybe. sometimes, i fancy he does. he can really be sweet
when it suits him. but often times, it does not really matter whether
or not he likes me. i still have to wake up and face the demons in my
life or i still have to sleep with the devils sometimes. the demons i
summoned and the devils i created; or the other way around.