Home » Post Item » Porn Withdrawal syndrome: I WILL SURVIVE

Porn Withdrawal syndrome: I WILL SURVIVE

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Here’s an update with regards to my
recent withdrawal from that nocuous vice men gleefully refer to as
pornography. I have spent the last two days purging my life of all
forms of pornography and anything that reminds me of it. Yesterday, I
spent hours combing through my 80 Gigabyte hard drive deleting
hundreds if not thousands of Video clips, sound files and assorted
pictures of my naked self that have proliferated in my computer for
the past three or four years. I came across some really hilarious
filenames in the process such as:

  • Jay_Manalo_Sunshine_Cruz_Near_LRT.mpg

  • Bangbus_Monica_Long_high.mpg

  • Bangbus_Black_man_doing_German_girl.mpg

  • Bangbus_goes_to_Mexico.mpg

  • Moms_Anal_Adventure.mpg

  • FarmAnimalsMating.mp3

  • FatGirlMoaningwhileCleaningToilet.mp3

I’d like to stress that undergoing this
cleansing process is not easy and as with most addictions, abruptly
putting a stop to it results in some sort of withdrawal syndrome. I
don’t know if anyone can relate to this but in protest to the
discontinued sensual stimulation induced by porn, my body reacts by:
Vomiting, muscular tremors, profuse sweating, indigestion,
constipation, the urge to throw rocks at passing cars, and death.
Well not really death but something really close to it.

Also, as a corollary to giving up porn,
I also must stop flogging my dolphin, choking my chicken, slapping my
monkey or in layman’s terms–masturbating. Now this might be tougher
than giving up porn but I have to be strong. Sure it takes a lot of
effort for me not to touch myself like I was so accustomed to after
taking a bath, before going to sleep and before eating but it is
imperative that I make this sacrifice if I were to achieve the
spiritual pureness I am longing for.

For me, the key to eliminating my
craving for pornography and masturbation is taking up an activity
that will distract me enough to kill my evil urges. I realized that
the reason why I resort to such detestable activities is that I have
nothing else better to do. So over the course of two days, I have
taken up the following activities:

  • Watching TV - Having worked
    in a Contact Center (which is a more sosy term for a Call Center.)
    and having the graveyard shift for two years, I never got to catch
    anything worth watching on TV as most channels’ program lineup in
    the morning consists of cartoons; dubbed Mexican or Chinese soap
    operas; morning talk shows with annoyingly perky hosts; noontime
    shows which casts washed up actors/actresses as hosts. (Onemig
    Bondoc, Angelica Jones I’m looking at you) Anyways, my dad was
    supportive enough to buy the complete first season of Desperate
    Housewives for me on DVD. The set consists of eight DVD’s with three
    episodes on each of them and I’m already done watching four discs.

    At first it was hard; what with Eva Longoria and Teri
    Hatcher on it? My first instinct was to concoct a fantasy of me
    stabbing Bree Van De Kamp’s botox face with my penis, doing it with
    Gabrielle Solis while she screams Spanish profanity at me and
    frenching the hell out of that cute Gardener. Okay forget that one.
    Actually, forget this entire activity and let me be honest with you:
    I did wank off to Teri Hatcher’s character…and her daughter.

  • Smoking like crazy- I
    found out that a good way to kill my urge to swan dive into a
    swimming pool filled with pornographic magazines is to smoke
    cigarettes like there’s no tomorrow. Sure, I’m smoking three packs
    of Winston reds now compared to my usual one but I think death by
    emphysema is a small risk as opposed to being a sad depraved demon I
    was bound to become. Plus I read somewhere that smoking leads to
    erectile dysfunction! I mean that’s like killing two birds with one
    stone! All I need to do is smoke enough cigarettes to curb my porn
    addiction AND lose the capability to masturbate. Somebody praise me!
    I’m a genius!

These are all I can think of right now
but I’ll let you know if I could come up with new ones. Now, I need
all the support I could get so please; include me in your prayers,
sponsor Sunday mass for me and organize prayer vigils or something.
This is a slow, excruciating process but like Mico’s professor in LaSalle
said - “Patience comes to those who wait.” and “We are
championship!”

Posted by mikey at 5:47 PM | permalink

Previous Comments

"Patience comes to those who wait." and "We are championship!"

hahaha..that's funny!

Posted by Mr Pogi at October 20, 2005, 8:03 pm

seryoso? I'm not giving up my porn for anything!

Posted by Macwynne at October 21, 2005, 7:50 am

"I mean that's like killing two birds with one stone! All I need to do is smoke enough cigarettes to curb my porn addiction AND lose the capability to masturbate. Somebody praise me! I'm a genius!"

–> *lol* really funny.. just wanted to say i enjoy reading your blog.. :D hats off to you mister..

Posted by ardee at October 21, 2005, 10:13 am

Funny? Why doesn't anybody take me seriously?

Posted by Mike at October 21, 2005, 10:19 am

I gave up porn once and noticed that baby kittens in our street started to die one by one.

Think about the little kittens man.

Posted by Pau at October 21, 2005, 9:48 pm

Im sure d mo inubos lhat yan hehe!

Posted by MIa at October 21, 2005, 11:04 pm

Pau: That makes it a little tougher doesn't it? Tough choice for me too; my soul, or the lives of hundreds of little kittens.

Mia: Syempre hindi! :P

Posted by Mike at October 22, 2005, 10:17 am

i'm praising you, you're a genius. harhar. but seriously, spiritual purity involves giving up porn? darn.

Posted by Li-l Miss Eunice at October 22, 2005, 2:10 pm

[8] Well I'm positive it does. I mean come on, when was porn ever good for the soul?

Posted by Mike at October 22, 2005, 2:59 pm

[9] Oh, I'm sure there are some obscure Eastern religions that are dedicated to the art and spirituality of sex. Not that I'm justifying porn or anything but…I have no idea what I'm talking about. Damn you. And damn all this schoolwork that I'm still working on in this so-called sembreak of mine.

Posted by Shelly at October 24, 2005, 12:46 am

[10] Shelly, I love you and all but you're a GIRL. No disrespect or whatever, but What do GIRLS know?

Girls have cooties and I hate them.

btw, I thought all that thesis shit is done already?

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