I spent the weekend hanging out with a bunch of my college friends
and thanks to one of them who has a four year old daughter, I came to
the realization of how much I dread having my own children in the
future. Kids are pains in the ass and I think most, if not all guys
my age are daunted by the mere thought of having to raise one.
But I also realize
that having to face the ordeal of raising a kid is inevitable, I mean
unless I’m sterile (Which I have proven I’m not), or I get myself
into a really horrible accident involving a hyena biting off my dick
or something, I submit that there will come a time when my
hyperactive, hankering sperm cells will find an egg they could sink
their silly little heads into.
I’m sure it isn’t
THAT bad. I’m positive that there is an iota of fun involved in
having a kid and fucking him up so bad he’d wish he’d never been
born. I mean after all, it’s nice to have someone I can send to get
groceries and purposefully coerce to live through all the ambitions
that I, his father, failed to realize in his youth. I imagine having
this sort of conversation with my kid:
Son: “Dad,
I’m shifting to Nursing, I figured out that helping people in need is
something I really want to do.”
Me: [Playing
a video game, eating potato chips off my tummy] “What kind of
fairy are you? Let me ask you something, whose dick are you going to
suck when you become part of the growing number of the unemployed or
underemployed?”
Son: “…”
Me: [nodding]
“That’s right, MINE.”
Son: “But
I just couldn’t see myself sitting in front of the computer all day
writing codes in stupid programming languages, laughing every once in
a while at a funny e-mail and generally being a dork!”
Me: “John
James Miguel Dominador Villar, I’ll watch my mouth if i were you…”
Son: “but…”
Me: “Don’t
make me hit your mother.”
So you see, I’ll make a good father. In fact, I’d be so good that I’d
be the type who’d rather play an epic Online RPG where I can
repeatedly kill creatures to fanatically gain levels while both my
social and family life severely atrophy and my children are taken
away by welfare because of utter neglect.
Seriously though, I wouldn’t want my future kid to become a pussy.
Actually, I am very determined to prevent that from happening that
this early, I have decided to come up with a timetable of events and
honors I want my kid to achieve. And speaking as an avant-garde
proponent of stupid jokes in bullet points I present this timetable:
Mike "Fucking" Villar
"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."
-Taken from my WikiBios page
