If
you don’t know already, I finally had the balls to take advantage of
the long weekend and go to the beach. This decision required a lot of
effort on my part as I have this fierce disliking towards the beach or
any other place that requires me to take off my shirt for that matter.
Why you ask? Because I’m clinically obese and I have the worst
documented case of cellulite going on with my body particularly on my
tummy and on my lower back. It’s so bad that if you trace the stretch
marks with blank ink and look at it from afar, you’d think that you’re
looking at a definitive road map of Metro Manila.

Anyways, I
went to Puerto Gallera with some of my High School friends. I consider
Puerto Gallera as Boracay’s bastard cousin. It is a truly fascinating
place–as long as you agree that ‘fascinating’ means “A place lined
with seedy lodges, ridiculously overpriced bars, obnoxious Korean
tourists, and a place where transvestites of all shapes and sizes
traipse merrily up and down the beach where colorful bunnies follow
them around and a trail of flowers grow on the sand they tread on.”

As much as I hate the beach though, there are some things on
the beach that I’d take an innocent life for. These things, I realized
recently, are the sole purpose of my existence; the reason why my heart
beats and my loins throb with a fiery gusto: THE FUCKING CHICKS.

fuck.
i so hate this talk. every friggin chance i end up having coffee with
her, she started talking about how miserable she is with the
relationship. relationship, my ass. she wouldn’t know what a real
relationship is even if it hits her hard on the head.

he is such an asshole [pun intended]. he
cannot demand of her loyalty and blind faith if he cannot keep his
sex-starved penis off someone else’s pants. being amazing is no excuse
for behaving like a big-time chauvinistic pig. and for her to see all
these and do nothing makes her stupid. why in the first place did she
throw away a six-year relationship for him? maybe her ex-bf was pretty
stupid too. i never met him, thank God.

but
she, she’s such a nice, pretty girl. a little too emotional at times,
but she doesn’t deserve all this shit. or maybe, just perhaps, she does
deserve this. if you stay under a tree with the chicken shitting up on
the branch, the shit’s gonna get to you somehow.

“i
told him, maggie, to let me go. i am not getting any younger. i do not
want to wake up and realize i am 30 and have absolutely no idea if i am
going to marry him or not.”

oh, for chrissake, get up and leave. how difficult is that for most people?

i
bought a complete Ultimate Spanish language set. its about the most
expensive thing i bought since i purchased my sister’s Motorola E398
last April. and consider it is nothing but a book and eight compact
discs, it was really not something you would just decide to buy during
the weekend. but, i have good reasons buying it so for the kind of CPA
that i am, i am going to depreciate it over two years.

and
because there was nothing much to do after the purchase, i and my
sister hang around starbucks over at greenbelt (because we are already
in the vicinity) for a frapuccino. we end up commiting sins.

if
there are people i hated more than the flock of foreigners in the
greenbelt area, they are the long-haired, over-dressed filipinas that
they are with. we didn’t really take notice much of them until i took
out the Living Language* Spanish reference guide out of the powerbooks
plastic bag and scanned it. the expatriate must have seen it because he
was asking the two girls he was with if they knew Spanish and started
bragging off some Espanol words.

the girl wearing a white pair of jeans that neither looks good on her nor fashionable spoke up in a southern accent (yes, in my accent, people, but it was even worse cause she used it in speaking English):

“No, but i speak japanese and germany…”