On
my way to work to day, I got stuck behind a 1990 Toyota Corolla on
Zabarte Road; a narrow two-lane road that leads to Quirino Avenue. I
usually don’t take this route and often take roads that would take me
ten minutes out of my way just to avoid this sort of shit happening.
There’s always a stupid garbage truck, old bus or some other slow
moving vehicle such as this one to wait behind on this road and
somehow, the scenery makes it twice as irritating. Zabarte road isn’t
much to look at; as you drudge through at 20kph, you get an amazing
view comprised of shabby houses and Karaoke houses cum brothels.
Further down the road, an old shell gas station that went out of
business in the mid 90’s sits next to a 7-11.

After
twenty grueling minutes, I finally got the chance to overtake the
corolla and as I was passing by, ready to give the driver my
patented ‘I see you being an asshole’ glare, I saw that the
driver was in fact, a living fossil.

I
could clearly see why gramps was driving too slow. He has two
wrinkled mits tightly gripping the steering wheel; thick glasses to
enhance his pathetic 20/40 vision; AND, although this is something
totally insignificant, but something I feel compelled to write down
because people look up to me as a fashion icon(I think); he has this
faded ash brown hair-do going on just desperately begging for a perm.

What
the fuck is wrong with this picture? Shut your fairy mouth and let
uncle Mike tell you: Clearly, gramps is too old to walk, let alone
DRIVE. Kudos to the morons we have working for the Land
Transportation Office for making all of this possible; for allowing
old bats like these to continue driving even if they can’t see two
feet out of the windshield. I mean come on! This guy probably spends
like an hour trying to stuff his walker in the trunk of the car and
another hour to adjust his artificial hip from a standing position to
this hunched, sitting position he adapts for driving.

Even
with everything I said, I do not hate old people. Sure, they disgust
me and I want to drive the claw end of a hammer into their skulls
sometimes but I definitely do not hate them. I just want them to be
useful members of society for a change. I half expect some of you
smart asses emailing me something to the effect of “But Mike,
they’re old! I’m sure they were
useful when they were younger!” and I’d reply “You’re a
girl, what the hell do you
know?” regardless of whether or not the sender is a girl. Oh and
I hate girls too by the way. Girls are smelly.

Trust
me on this people, being overly sentimental to the elderly is
counterproductive to our country’s growth. We need to do something
drastic about these freeloaders who leech off our generation’s
generosity. Let’s just all hate all old people shall we? This
is not hard people, after all, they’re cranky, disgustingly wrinkled
and are practically useless, rotting pieces of flesh.