my way to work to day, I got stuck behind a 1990 Toyota Corolla on
Zabarte Road; a narrow two-lane road that leads to Quirino Avenue. I
usually don’t take this route and often take roads that would take me
ten minutes out of my way just to avoid this sort of shit happening.
There’s always a stupid garbage truck, old bus or some other slow
moving vehicle such as this one to wait behind on this road and
somehow, the scenery makes it twice as irritating. Zabarte road isn’t
much to look at; as you drudge through at 20kph, you get an amazing
view comprised of shabby houses and Karaoke houses cum brothels.
Further down the road, an old shell gas station that went out of
business in the mid 90’s sits next to a 7-11.
After
twenty grueling minutes, I finally got the chance to overtake the
corolla and as I was passing by, ready to give the driver my
patented ‘I see you being an asshole’ glare, I saw that the
driver was in fact, a living fossil.
I
could clearly see why gramps was driving too slow. He has two
wrinkled mits tightly gripping the steering wheel; thick glasses to
enhance his pathetic 20/40 vision; AND, although this is something
totally insignificant, but something I feel compelled to write down
because people look up to me as a fashion icon(I think); he has this
faded ash brown hair-do going on just desperately begging for a perm.
What
the fuck is wrong with this picture? Shut your fairy mouth and let
uncle Mike tell you: Clearly, gramps is too old to walk, let alone
DRIVE. Kudos to the morons we have working for the Land
Transportation Office for making all of this possible; for allowing
old bats like these to continue driving even if they can’t see two
feet out of the windshield. I mean come on! This guy probably spends
like an hour trying to stuff his walker in the trunk of the car and
another hour to adjust his artificial hip from a standing position to
this hunched, sitting position he adapts for driving.
Even
with everything I said, I do not hate old people. Sure, they disgust
me and I want to drive the claw end of a hammer into their skulls
sometimes but I definitely do not hate them. I just want them to be
useful members of society for a change. I half expect some of you
smart asses emailing me something to the effect of “But Mike,
they’re old! I’m sure they were
useful when they were younger!” and I’d reply “You’re a
girl, what the hell do you
know?” regardless of whether or not the sender is a girl. Oh and
I hate girls too by the way. Girls are smelly.
Trust
me on this people, being overly sentimental to the elderly is
counterproductive to our country’s growth. We need to do something
drastic about these freeloaders who leech off our generation’s
generosity. Let’s just all hate all old people shall we? This
is not hard people, after all, they’re cranky, disgustingly wrinkled
and are practically useless, rotting pieces of flesh.
Someday,
and that day may never come, I will be a very powerful man and the
first thing I’m going to do is to realign homes for the aged or other
facilities that provide palliative care to the elderly into
government-run production facilities which will exploit the current
outsourcing boom.
I
will have the armed forces do some sort of conscription where they
would go house to house and forcibly take away all the people in
their 60’s and institutionalize them into the aforementioned
production facilities where they will spend the rest of their days
working strenuously using sewing machines, fork lifts and acetylene
torches.
I
intend these production facilities to operate under a strict fascist
atmosphere where minor infractions will be dealt with harshly. Say
for instance an old geezer fails to meet his daily quota of creating
400 Adidas shoes a day, he will be locked up in a room for two days
without food rations and all his visitor passes revoked.
Alternatively, corporal punishment will be employed wherein the
unproductive employee will be beaten repeatedly using a club with
either a spiked or flanged metal head in front of all the other
senior citizens. This may sound cruel but this is done to ensure
maximum productivity.
Under
my plan, all people 60 and above are required to put in fifteen years
of labor for the production facilities. They would have no rights
whatsoever but are allowed to play Mah Jong for an hour once a month
for recreation.
The
production facilities will offer the elderly a lot of travel
opportunities. Say for instance, huge foreign companies like Dell
might want to purchase 100,000 elderly workers for 10,000 pesos each
and send them to their hidden jungle production lines in the Amazon
to make computer chips or something. That can be arranged.
This
is a very optimistic take on things, but looking at surveys done by
the National Statistics Office
over the years, it’s saddens me to realize that a huge percentage of
the elderly people in the Philippines are handicapped one way or
another.
4.4
percent of people over 60 are suffering from total blindness. 4.7
percent on the other hand suffer from paralysis of one or both legs.
And 0.7 percent of them suffer from mental retardation. The question
is what do we do to these invalids to make them productive? Well
other than using them as filler for potholes along EDSA, a few things
come to mind. Aside from the production facilities, I intend to put
up ‘Nutrient Farms’ to take care of this problem.
Old
people who are incapacitated or just lazy will be sent to these
Nutrient farms where they will be put in a giant blender and be
magically turned into delectably nutritive serums which would
eventually be intravenously induced to other elderly people working
in production facilities around the country.
What
do you think?
[1] I agree with everything you said Roanne. But you are speaking sensibly whereas mikey here does not. It's not that he can't. He just doesn't want to. Granted, he is abusive and abrasive at times. But he's a sick puppy, and that's just the way he is. And in some twisted way, that is his gift. I drop by this blog to escape from the drudgery of a typically serious and mind numbingly boring day. Just I go to your blog because I admire your idealism and all the medical stuff fascinates me.
Posted by Bald Reggae Junkie at November 16, 2005, 1:08 pmAw shucks BRJ, I have make up on, don't make me cry 
[2]
Yes, I know he blogs to entertain. I took this post seriously because the subject is something I'm passionate about. Maybe I should be a sociologist. Heh. Plus, I just wanted to say my opinion. Yun lang. 
[4] And I absolutely respect that Roanne. Truth is, I find it admirable, the way you involve so much of yourself in what you do. I've sadly met too many people in your shoes who are doing so purely for the opportunity to work abroad. Believe me, you wouldn't want me to get started on that.
Posted by Bald Reggae Junkie at November 16, 2005, 5:27 pmSoylent Green, Mike??????
Posted by erisac at November 16, 2005, 6:10 pmerisac: Yummy!
Posted by Anonymous at November 16, 2005, 6:20 pmNo need to wonder why the "Caregiver" crash course thing takes place in our country, but hey, filipinos do make a lot of money out of Old People. ;D
I know I'm gonna get old. hahahah……. Grandpa.
Posted by Jolo at November 16, 2005, 9:05 pmI agree that age doesn't entitle anyone to special privileges–not even automatic respect nor automatic attribution of wisdom.
I agree that the elderly should not be allowed to become freeloaders. All old people were young once and they all had the opportunity to work and save enough for their old age. I hate old people who think that it is their kids' obligation to support them in old age.
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"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."
-Taken from my WikiBios page
Ahhh, sa tingin ko lang sinasabi mo lang yan kasi bata ka pa, nagtatrabaho at kumikita. Malay mo, maging ganyan ka rin sa pagtanda mo, walang silbi. Lahat naman tayo papunta don. Hindi naman sila ganon ka-walang kwenta. Sa Makati nga, lagi kong nakikita yung lolo na nagbebenta ng sigarilyo at candy. Siguro mga nasa 70's na siya. Parang may Parkinson's pa nga siya eh, kasi SOBRANG bagal niya tsaka shuffled yung gait niya. Parang yung sa commercial na may matandang naglalakad papuntang airport tapos sa sobrang bagal niya hapon na siya dumating, eh yung entrance ng airport nasa harap lang niya. Parang ganon. Mas prone to injury ang matatatanda, lalo na yung may disabilities. Kung ma-a-aksidente sila habang nagtatrabaho at hindi naman humantong sa kamantayan, hindi ba mas magastos yon? Eh di mas lalo silang dumepende sa mga pamilya nila at gobyerno. Ewan ko lang kung ganon ang gusto mong mangyari. May silbi din naman sila, hindi lang natin na-a-appreciate gaano kasi yung naitutulong nila, "maliit" na bagay lang. Like, yung pag-alaga na lang ng mga apo. Kanino ba iniiwan ang mga bata kapag mag-a-abroad yung parents? Yung nabuntisang teenager na walang responsableng magulang kanino nakadepende? Yung nagbabantay sa maysakit na apo sa ospital (just like the other day, yung pasyente kong 4 years old may typhoid fever, iniwan ng magulang eh di lola yung nagbantay sa kanya). Hindi man sila nakakatulong sa economy directly, may silbi pa rin. Ang dapat pag-initan talaga yung mga nasa working class na TAMAD talaga. Siguro hindi ka pa nakakapasok sa squatter's area. We stayed at their health center for 2 weeks and we also did home visits. Ang daming ganon, mga lalaki pa. Gigising sa umaga ang unang hawak baraha, beer or yung mga tandang nila na isasabong. Maiinis ka talaga pag nakita mo yung ganon eksena at the same time, nakaka-depress.
I'm sorry I used a lot of space to comment when I could email you or just blog about it myself. When I read this entry, I really had to. I'm sure you're just kidding with most of the stuff you write and you're really creative but sometimes, I find some of your posts like this one quite abusive.
Posted by A Smart-Assed Girl at November 16, 2005, 9:41 am