The Atrocities of Friendster Vol. 1

Saturday, November 19, 2005

I absolutely hate Friendster. It is a world of superficial acquaintances, a place of insincere empathy, of shallow love affairs and a preying ground for stalkers, weirdos, and 15 year olds who’d orgasm seeing text containing any combination of words with dick, shaft, hole, mountain, cyclops, ice cream, salt or bicycle in them. It is the realm of the pretentious, the pseudo-intellectual, and more often than not, the aesthetically challenged.

With that said, I shall now turn my discriminating gaze on the afflicting horrors of Friendster and its denizens in a brand spanking new column aptly titled: The Atrocities of Friendster.

Case 1: Marvin


It’s funny how Marvin’s shirt says "Justice League" when the only type of justice I want to deal upon seeing his picture is the type which involves me rearranging his face using my vengeful fists and a tire wrench. Surprisingly, for someone who looks deceivingly amiable and tender, his Interests are disturbingly carnal. I mean people who look like Brad Pitt can probably get away with saying stuff like "Yeah, I’m into Orgies and dripping wet pussies, big deal" but when people like Marvin over here who looks about as hideously malnourished as those Somalis in "Black Hawk Down" say it, it makes me want to commit genocide and throw a party afterwards.

For some reason however, I cannot hate Marvin. He reminds me too much of something or someone from my childhood that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I can’t seem to point a finger at it…


Oh, right.

Case 2: Jon


Jon, I just want to say three things to you before I lock myself up in my room and hang myself:

 

     

  • Wearing jeans to the gym is just. plain. wrong.
  • Looking at your hair magically transports me back to 1996; the time when the Gwapings and vertically striped shirts with collars reigned supreme.
  • I’ve seen six year olds with better bodies than you so for the love of everything that’s holy; PUT A FUCKING SHIRT ON.

Case 3: Ranma


This picture was taken exactly as I kicked this guy in the nuts.

Case 4: Patrick


ROMNICK SARMIENTA! What ever happened to you? I was your biggest fan. But mainly because I wanted to bang Sheryl Cruz.

Case 5: BHABE


HELL. FUCKING. NO.
 
MySpace Patrol 

Posted by mikey at 1:47 AM | permalink

Previous Comments

Hey Mikey,

Let me say this:

1. too bad we do not have any public access cable channels here in Manila as they do in the States, because I can see you having a show of your own.

2. too bad we do not have late night TV shows here like those of Conan O'Brien's or David Letterman's because you could be in their writing team.

Nonetheless, I always enjoy your writing; it's unique and insanely funny. Also, it's not an easy thing to do.

Thanks!

Posted by erisac at November 19, 2005, 7:05 am

The moment I see the fuckin jeans and awesome pose, damn! I can't help to switch off my monitor for a bit to butch out and laugh. Kawawa naman yung mga nai-spot-an mo sa friendster mike. haha.

Posted by Jolo at November 19, 2005, 6:18 pm

^saw

Posted by Jolo at November 19, 2005, 6:20 pm

Scary, ain't it? The bigger a community gets, the more freaks appear. The fact that there are freaks is not quite as irritating as the fact that there are so few freaks that we can, or want to relate to.

And Mikey, if you're a fuckin freak, you fuckin rock and you know it.

p/s I think you should give Jon a break. I'm sure you didn't know this, but he was actually being beamed aboard the Starship Enterprise when the photo was taken.

Posted by kinkylube at November 19, 2005, 9:22 pm

Aw, Mikey, I thought you LOVED Friendster. I mean, don't you use it as a stalker tool? And, er, "Volume 1"?

Posted by Shelly at November 20, 2005, 6:33 am

This has got to be one of the best local link baits I've seen so far :) hilarious!

I'm a fan!

Marc

Posted by Marc at November 20, 2005, 7:37 am

Hilarious. Waiting for the next installment. :)

Posted by Angela at November 21, 2005, 4:14 am

Good lord, no one warned me of what I'd see here — stuff I was afraid I'd see in Friendster, which is why I never bothered with that site.

Those poor guys. And they just wanted to make prends too.

Not to be a wet-blanket, but I hope you're sure you're allowed to post their pictures on this site.

Posted by Anansi Girl at November 21, 2005, 11:56 am

[8] I dropped by your blog Anansi and as far as I can see you're definitely no wet blanket. That being said though, I see no problem regarding sick twisted Mikey here posting other people's friendster pics here. For one thing, they're acknowledged as coming from friendster. And Mikey could only put up info that these people already chose to reveal to the world. So whatever ridicule they incur is justified and as we can see, quite rightly deserved.

Posted by Bald Reggae Junkie at November 21, 2005, 8:40 pm

Give me a buzz if friendster (or AOL or Verisign or Yahoo) comes-a-knocking on your door offering to buy your blog for 2.8 million bucks. Maybe I can broker a better deal for you and run off with an extra million for myself. :)

Posted by jangelo at November 21, 2005, 11:22 pm

Jolo: Ang sama mo ba't ka tumatawa? kawawa na nga sila eh hehehe.

Kinkylube: It's either that or someone got so sick of him that they decided to blast him with some sort of red laser disintegrator thingamajig.

Shelly: The only person I stalked in friendster was you; because you're so pwetty and I wuv you. Have you thought about my marriage proposal?

Marc: I have a paypal account, I accept donations :)

AnansiGirl: The day I get sued is the day I'm gonna start caring.

Jangelo: 2.8 Mil? Dammit, I'd sell this thing for 200 bucks right now.

Posted by Anonymous at November 22, 2005, 2:36 am

Wala pa ring tatalo dito.Hehehe

Posted by jerry at November 22, 2005, 3:27 am

wala pa ring tatalo dito.
http://www.friendster.com/viewphotos.php?uid=4264058&pid=147387599…

Posted by jerry at November 22, 2005, 3:30 am

photo#6

Posted by jerry at November 22, 2005, 3:38 am

Mikey, you could nominate those photos here :)

We want more!

Posted by Marc at November 22, 2005, 10:40 am

love your blog! it's a kick-ass one…

can totally relate… the only reason i opened a friendster account is because i left my work of three years and wanted to keep in touch. then i found old high school friends (not that i had any), which was nice. suddenly creepy psychos and parasites suddenly started making friend requests. i had to limit the degree stat of people who would be able to view my profile.

Posted by biankita at November 23, 2005, 9:20 pm

ahahha

how the hell can those guys get any action if they post fugly pictures like that?!

you are hilarious!!!

Posted by AnP at November 25, 2005, 8:51 pm

OK, I admit to chuckling (and more), but I have to say the bait-and-switch babes are worse. You know what I'm talking about — you see this profile, the female in the picture is really pretty in a Zhang Ziyi or Vanessa Minnilo kind of way. So you click on it and soon realize that it's because the photograph IS of Ziyi or Vanessa — and certainly not of your new Friendster pal (who looks more like, oh well, I won't name names and be mean, but definitely she would never be mistaken for either celebrity, even if the beholder was legally blind). That's bait and switch — which I thought was illegal everywhere in the US…but apparently not in Friendster (or My Space, for that matter).

In other words…I'd rather know the real face behind the profile. Even if the profile said inane things like "dripping wet pink pussy." Who knows, maybe out there someone might really want to show hers to Marvin the Martian? Anything is possible, after all (except perhaps for Zhang Ziyi having an actual Friendster account) — you just never know…

Posted by Gigi at November 26, 2005, 4:35 pm

Damn that was funny! ROTFLMAO (though of course, I didn't do that literally). I no longer hate Friendster that much but I do squirm at the sight of some photos posted there and the friendlier-than-thou mentality Friendster people have developed. It's sick. And I hate Friendster for that.

Posted by skwayred at November 28, 2005, 5:14 pm

hahaha :D
shet!
oh well.. publicity is still publicity hahaha
:rotfl:

Posted by karla at November 29, 2005, 10:11 pm

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Posted by OrdeR Cialis at December 9, 2005, 10:14 am

mikey's soooo hot haha ;)

Posted by kenna at December 14, 2005, 10:38 pm

hayyyyyyyyyyy
dyoskopo

sana hindi ako maispatan sa frendster at ma okray dito! hahahahahahahahahahahaha

i love this blog!!!

Posted by Eric at December 21, 2005, 4:54 am

sabi mo sa unang linya ng blog mo, "I absolutely hate Friendster.", I doubt it. Pano mo nakuha tong mga pics na to sa friendster kung indi mo pinuntahan yung site? Player-Hater…. hehehe

Posted by Busabos at December 23, 2005, 1:16 am

My oh my! what a good laugh I had…

I'm hooked :D

Posted by duke at December 27, 2005, 6:40 pm

hahaha! oo sobrang funny.. ironically, u hate friendster pero you love criticizing it.. aminin mo na.. gusto mo rin ng friendster deep inside.. kung hindi dahil sa friendster hindi ka rin makikilala..

Posted by antipatika_8 at January 4, 2006, 6:57 am

LOL@mike:p that's why you're never gonna see me on friendster or mySpace!! nyahahahaha

Posted by lauren at January 4, 2006, 8:48 am

argh.. so smart and witty u are. tsk. pls tell me ur gay.

Posted by mushy at January 7, 2006, 5:02 am

I used to have friendster but I cancelled it due to how it evolved. As much as it was a personal choice to join then my own disposition to cancel, with all the time invested posting & updating it, it is not mine. Basically, public can do whatever the heck they want to do with it, could be praised, could be ridiculed…could be made fun of.

What I really am trying to impart with gullible people out there, especially those who just join to be with the "in" crowd or to have something to add to what to say about themselves - CAREFUL what you post. Be SMART! If it doesn't embarrass you to post it then don't be upset if it gets stolen for entertainment purpose of others.

Posted by lovey at January 10, 2006, 5:41 am

in which, i must say. i effing agree. :-) hahaha. you're a blast. i hate friendster, too, but i'm afraid i actually enjoy the voyeurism. hah!

Posted by rai at January 11, 2006, 9:14 am

hahahahahahahahaha… grabe.. i still cant stop myself from laughing.. oooohhh.. haha.. but i have to admit.. i do friendster.. hek.. hahahaha

Posted by juvz at January 16, 2006, 6:59 pm

Very witty, good writing. Hehe.

Posted by LaGUNaMAN at January 28, 2006, 3:12 pm

True story. Someone I know got laid coz of friendster, the poor schmuck is trawling both friendster and multiply pages to further his uhm ambition. And I hate people who throw in things just because they think it's cool. Makes me want to give them some of my allowance so they could buy themselves attention or at the very least, a clue.

PS
Do you have friendster? Hehe.

Posted by Ryel at January 31, 2006, 10:07 am

hilarious…i laughed too hard… i was literally shedding gallons of tears from laughing too hard… good one!

Posted by satin of gt at February 1, 2006, 10:47 pm

Haha. Right! I only add people in Friendster whom I know or whom I trust. All of those motherfucking jologs people have surrounded and fucked what was supposed to be a good Friendster time. Mabuhay kayo mga jologs! Hahahaha. Friendster sucks 100 times more when you are all around!

Posted by BlahBlah at February 2, 2006, 6:53 pm

If you hate friendster, shut up!!!!! Eto ba trabaho mo, criticize people? Get a real job pleeeeaaase!!!!!!!
And to all those who agree with this Mikey, kinampihan nyo pa 'tong walang magawa na 'to! Matakot naman kayo sa karma!

Posted by Bevs at February 3, 2006, 6:24 pm

just wondering, why do you bash these people? is it only for fame?

Posted by karen at February 3, 2006, 9:10 pm

dude you truly speak what's on my mind. i read one too from myspace about this certain lee hotti guy. check it out. it's all over the net too. similar like this. they even made a site. http://www.leehotti.com this is fucking awesome dude. keep the shit on. goodluck!

Posted by cum_from_behind at February 4, 2006, 12:09 am

i am not good in words, be it written or oral. i just want to express my opinion regarding your blogs. i believe that you are just using your freedom of speech. This is a right we, Filipinos, have (and i am proud of that). but, isn't it that you're getting way overboard? with our freedoms there are also responsibilites attached to it. if you have time, please look into your self and see if what you're doing is just and honorable. Thanks.

Posted by Juan Dela Cruz at February 4, 2006, 4:56 am

all i can say is,judging from your comments,you are one insensitive kid.grow up.life is not just about making fun of others.

Posted by cascada at February 4, 2006, 8:56 pm

harhar!

i'm hooked already..

actually, friendster's not that bad..haha.. as long as these people (fake posers) are not in it..
*sigh* used to be my favorite game..

two-thumbs up for you mike!Ü

Posted by piNk pRiNc3sz lOis at February 6, 2006, 10:48 am

hey, to those sensitive guys out there disgreeing with Mikey and his LAIT spree, check out maddox http://maddox.xmission.com/

you put a pic on the net, it becomes public. you dont want people to see you? reset you frienster privacy settings. better yet, try poker or free cell at yahoo.

(where can we contribute? lol!)

Posted by Titus at February 7, 2006, 3:29 am

friendst3r fakesters poser f@ck3rs!whew!

rock on!

Posted by undextrois at February 7, 2006, 1:30 pm

Geez. This link even got as far as Shanghai.

Was never on Friendster, will never be on Friendster.

Posted by rain at February 7, 2006, 9:43 pm

damn! bandwidth exceeded?!? pffftt…

anyway, vol 1 lang nakita ko.. hope i get to see the others..

salamat sa laughtrip! hahaha.. keep it up! :D

dont mind the negative comments. i agree wid piNk pRiNc3sz lOis, put a pic on the net.. becomes public..

Posted by rl at February 9, 2006, 10:55 pm

[45]

rl, it was me Titus who said that :)

anyways, yeah, the link has been going around. if fact, BUMALIK at naiforward na ulit sakin! lol!

Posted by Titus at February 11, 2006, 4:55 pm

this man hates you so much, he's even planning to file a case against you guys to the NTC. anyway, here's the asshole na walang magawa kundi magsampa ng kaso:

http://www.friendster.com/profiles/marksalin…
http://www.friendster.com/profiles/marksalin2…

and oh, can you make him one of the "cases" in this section? thanks a lot. your blog rocks! =)

Posted by Noel Selarde at February 12, 2006, 11:07 pm

[47] ahahaha! dang!! haters r fo real…. seesh i really dunno.. im stoned ..im tryng 2 believe that everything on Mikey's blogs are made by everyone who can view it…. was like thngkng…. ok.. iL get back to youi tomorrow… my mind is playing like a broken record…..

Posted by HoOtzie SillyStonedDrunk at February 13, 2006, 6:55 pm

Why are the pictures replaced with BANDWIDTH EXCEEDED? Too bad I can't enjoy the pics..

Posted by lafusteros at February 16, 2006, 12:15 am

hahaha!! reading this blog made my day!! i love how you attacked those unsuspecting dimwits… those people should thank you for waking them up from their distorted illusions. to hell with those who didn't like your work. they should post an ad in buy and sell looking for a sense of humor. kudos to you mikey!

Posted by chika at February 16, 2006, 5:42 pm

pare astig! tawa ako ng tawa! hope to see more atrocities in the future!

Posted by ron at February 21, 2006, 1:24 am

i never start the day without my daily dose of 'atrocities of friendster'. Which reminds me, when is volume 6 coming out, you bastard?! how long you gonna keep us waiting?

Posted by sanjay at February 21, 2006, 2:01 pm

man! i got your atrocities of friendster forwarded as email. i really think it's mean………..but what the hell i laugh like crazy! hahaha. i had to add your blog site to my favorites now!

Posted by purple at March 1, 2006, 12:08 pm

grabe ang galeng mo mikey we share the same sentiments naiinis din ako sa friendster na yan sana nga magsara na yan e pra wala nang sisira sa mga relasyon at wala ng mababasang makakasama ng loob harhar! ;0 galeng mo! astig@@ pwede ba pasara nyo na ang friendster na yan! wish ko lang kusang masira ang account ko sa friendster na yan e! hehe

Posted by MATARAY at March 8, 2006, 9:34 pm

hi. It was kind of entertaining reading some of the entries.
Although i think there were some instances you were going overboard.
I quite think those people who are obviously pretentious/superficial are irritating.
Its just that some are actual criticisms on inborn physical appearances. people can’t help it to look that way (the nose the eyes, the physique, visage)
I hope that you wouldn’t use your freedom of speech to degrade the people. as one said earlier, you still have the responsibilities that come with that freedom.
ingat lang.
I know you could be humorous and at the same time not be the “monster” some people think you are. after all you are an intelligent and witty writer.
GOD speed

Posted by yan at July 14, 2006, 6:04 pm

Very nice site!

Posted by Harry at July 23, 2006, 9:17 am

Dude, I’d have to admit that the laughs were a riot… but humor at other people’s expense is probably best kept among friends or in a small group, or in those comedy bars where people voluntarily pay to get in and be made fun of by the in-house comedians/entertainers. Not on a world platform like the internet… for the world to witness the humiliation, regardless if the humiliated is aware of it or not.

I agree, Friendster could be so hypocritical, but then again, its not about the site, but the people that go on it.. it serves the intentions of the person who uses it for.. if you know what I’m saying… and well.. it’s a free country, the annoying are guaranteed those liberties.. to be annoying to those who get annoyed.

Sure it is great to be a talent in writing, but your probably using your talent for the wrong reasons man hehehe… it could be put to better use.

I know that this was mentioned earlier, and I hate to go on this freedom of speech spiel, but yes we do live in a democracy that guarantees freedom of speech, but it is also that same democracy that guarantees that other people’s rights are protected… with free speech comes accountability for what you speak.

Posted by Roy at September 20, 2007, 2:04 am

how to teach friendster a lesson
i will teach you guys how to teach friendster.com a lesson…

why i do this?
because friendster starts removing my pics, it posts only white spaces, and also removes my friends pics,…

how?
friendster uses pay per click advertising with Google, our aim is to tell advertisers not to advertise with friendster… so would probably result to friendster’s fall…

step 1
go to friendster.com

step 2
click on the advertisement by Google, usually two links at the bottom right… this method might increase friendster’s income temporarily since in every click gives friendster cash…

step 3
close the sponsors page after it is open in less than 5seconds… this will send a message to the sponsor’s page a bad Bounce Rate, meaning a bad referrer, meaning friendster is a bad site to advertise… meaning a great loss of cash for advertisers…

step 4
refresh friendster.com
repeat repeat repeat repeat…

will this work?
probably, i just thought of this when i first heard of google ads… and hey… it’s worth to try… yes i am confident about this idea!

will this work on other site?
yeah! i am not sending a bad method out there,… i am just telling you this so sites may offer quality service!

PS share this to everyone, this is effective only if a lot of people around the globe, with different IP(internet address) will cooperate

Posted by trollnansuweegao at November 15, 2007, 10:11 am

dude… you are fucking awesome… hehehe… i have a friendster account and yeah… i’ve seen these accounts that scream “lame-o” and DESPERATE….

Mean but in a less irritating way…. Pure…Evil… Fucking Genius… :)

Posted by andrea at December 29, 2007, 9:31 am

Haha! I love this entry!

Posted by Tahn at April 23, 2008, 4:58 pm

You write good, man! People today have no shame at all…But I guess people like u can prevent guys like Marvin, JOn, ranma and other people to have more pride and dignity.

So, Love the blog! This is actually the first time I read one of your blogs…
Tuloy mo pa yan!!
Keep kabataan from being bad
Something like that…
Sige!!!!

Posted by CarelessCarla at June 19, 2009, 11:30 pm

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The star

Mike "Fucking" VillarAwesome

"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."

-Taken from my WikiBios page

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