After declining to go on a two day vacation in Baguio with
some of my friends, I find myself in a scene that’s getting awfully more and
more familiar: me, alone in my room, chugging on a glass of Red Horse, purposelessly
surfing random websites; naked; occasionally, pausing to rub my penis when
coming across sites with pictures of hot girls.
This sort of thing gets played after a while so I try to mix
things up by spending time with the PlayStation or watching television but even
those aren’t enough to save me from the boredom brought about by having to stay
home on yet another long weekend. I know, I might sound like the biggest loser
on the internet (which I might be), but come on, try sleeping fourteen hours
straight and see if you could get over the state of utter sluggishness that
comes with it. I mean fuck, it’s hard just to even get out of bed; I tried getting up immediately after I woke up
today and I got all dizzy and shit, must be my blood pressure or something.
Anyway, here’s some sort of timetable to give you a better
idea on how my day looks like for the last couple of days:
get up, take a quick shower, brush my teeth and take some time to look at the
mirror and admire how my vast, unsheathed abdominal muscles rippled and heaved.
I pop an Everything But The Girl CD
in the stereo and start dancing to a track entitled ‘Like the deserts miss the rain’ while putting on styling wax on my
hair. It’s weird how my body was flowing smoothly to the triphop beat; and what
the fuck? Why am I listening to this shit in the first place? I mean this thing’s
so gay it’d make anyone who listens to it shit skittles. I decided to change
the music but before I could even get near the stereo, that girl with tattoos
from Pinoy Big Brother (I don’t really know their names as I don’t watch that
show. I’m a grown ass man) appears out of thin air and immediately begins
undoing my belt and giving me head furiously.
I really don’t remember much as I think I passed out or
something. I do remember saying “lumayo
ka sakin! Demonyo! Gusto ko si Franzen! Hayop ka!” Weird shit.
The weekend has been
extremely boring for me. While most of my friends took advantage of the
long weekend to go on vacation, I had to stay home and spend intimate
time with the Playstation. Yeah I know, I should get a life. You suck
too.
It wasn’t that bad
really, I mean while my friends probably had a swell time getting piss
drunk, checking out girls clad in skimpy bikinis and who knows?
Although unlikely, even getting laid (my friends are unattractive
geeks); I spent the most part of the weekend getting buzzed AND wanking
off to arousing pixelated images afforded by video games.
As a corollary to the
aforementioned waste of good vacation time, I have added video game
characters to my already long list of sexual fantasies which include
farm animals, wooden furniture, obese black women, retarded ten year
old kids, and Chinese girls with facial hair among others.
With that said, I present
to you the top five video game characters I wouldn’t mind boning if
they were real. Or even if they weren’t as long as I don’t have to pay
them.
Mike "Fucking" Villar
"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."
-Taken from my WikiBios page
