Home » Post Item » The Atrocities of Friendster Fan Appreciation day

The Atrocities of Friendster Fan Appreciation day

Friday, December 16, 2005

I was pretty sure this was going to happen. I recently took it upon myself to do the world a favor by exposing the horrors contained within the hollows of one of the most popular social networking sites in the internet and most of you guys loved it. However, I submit that you can’t please everybody and although I consistently get messages like this:

 

User: kenna
User ID:
Host: 203.215.118.135
Comment:
 mikey’s soooo hot haha ;)

 

or

User: gian
User ID: agent_vendetta@yahoo.com
Host: 203.215.99.142
Comment:
mike ur the man! u shld have a show of ur own.. ill watch it even if its on a freakin late timeslot..i wish more of these would come up instead of those tv-novelas that stars chinky eyed people that speak tagalog!! WTF?! friggin infestation.. oh well.. add me to ur mailing list.. i think ur a genius… PRomil user!

— 

I also get messages from retarded little twits who love churning out misdirected internet hate. I’d like to stress that I do not write the Atrocities of Friendster column to blatantly insult people but rather to poke fun at what most of us actually find funny but are too chicken to do anything about–Ugliness. One of my favorite quotes about satire is "Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody’s face but their own" and that can’t be anymore true. So on that note, I’d like to say that this week, I am passing up on writing the 5th volume of the Atrocities of Friendster but rather am going to spend time with you, the fans, by answering selected messages simply because I love you and without you I wouldn’t be the famous internet star I am today. Let’s get started.

 

 

User: ZG Fisher

Comment:
  "It is only through the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye." –Le Petit Prince par Antoine de Saint Exupery

Be careful Mikey, there was once a Mr. Perfect in our University. Gee, he was so vain and haughty. He lost all his good looks in a freak car accident — stiches on his forehead, one fake eye and a darkened and deformed nose afterwards. Now, because he was just pretty but extremely rude, very few really bothered with him. …some kind of karma probably… See, all can be taken in a minute.

Please don’t be mean. I am being too serious for you guys but who among us have the right to judge beauty as beauty should be?  & re those who you say should rightfully receive this sort of nasty treatment like Marvin in Vol. 1 — is it really our business? Just don’t associate with him, right?

—

Mr. Fisher I realized a few things after reading your message. One, everybody knows that the little prince is gay and the only thing gayer than the little prince is ‘Le Petit Prince’.  Also, I appreciate your concern but I assure you that you are worrying yourself over nothing as I am on Karma’s good side. You see, Karma has been very mean to me. Back in the summer of 1993 while I was riding my bike through a clearing in the woods when all of a sudden, a tiger appeared out of nowhere and attacked me. It was horrible, I was fighting for my life and although I was on steroids since I was five, the tiger simply overpowered me. The tiger clawed out my left eye, and chewed off my gonads. I survived the ordeal but I lost half of my face and all of my limbs except for my left arm. So you see, I have ‘Prepaid Karma‘ which basically means I could get away with being evil and still win the lottery and go to heaven.

 

User: Cindy

Comment:

posting pictures of innocent people and making fun of them? oh man your sick. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. And one more thing.God didnt make any ugly living and non-living thing in this whole universe. 

 

 

 

 

—

I think the fact that I am sick has been pretty much established. Check out that post about me having herpes. Oh wait I haven’t posted it yet. But I yes I do have herpes, and other sexually transmitted diseases. And please don’t get me started on that entire Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder crap because that’s about as cliche as it gets. I mean how do you expect me to respond? ‘Time is Gold?’, ‘Honesty is the best policy?’, ‘Just give your 110%?’, ‘It’s not the size, it’s how many times you can make it rise?’;  And about God not making anything ugly in this whole universe, that’s CRAP. Where was God when I wanted a unicorn for Christmas? Nowhere! So shutup and slice a few pieces of your ass, I need ham this christmas.

 

User: The Citizen

Comment:

Hey! be carefull with what you speak of! No man has the right to criticize or make fun of others because of the way the look. Funny it may seem to most of your respondents, but their regard for this content as "funny"; is clearly a manifestation of their social incompetence and immaturity.  And how dare you call these group of people as a showcase of a "boatful of retards";!? You’re full of shit. You have no right to just insult other people whom you dont even know just like that. You, along with those are pleased with your detestable actions, are scum, scum that must be eliminated from this earth. I hope god strikes you down now, right at your seat, because you dont deserve to live. People who make fools out of others should die, and i sure indeed hope you will. One last thing, in case you haven’t noticed using your immature and malevolent  mind, you really do deserve to go to hell, and may you burn in its lakes of fire and brimestone 

—

Whoah, this guy actually goes the distance by wishing me death. For somebody who trusts God so much as to wish him to strike me down where I sit, you think very ill sir. That is a clear affront to God and I will go to church and say my confessions tomorrow if I were you because you’re clearly going to hell sir. 

And can you please mail me your address so I could FEDEX a dictionary to you; I mean you’re being unfair! You say that ‘no man has the right to criticize or make fun of others because of the way the(sic) look but here you are maligning my character with impunity by saying I am immature and socially incompetent? That’s called Hypocrisy. LOOK IT UP.

I demand you say sorry now sir or…or…I’m gonna cry. 

 

User: Anonymous

Comment: isa kang malaking gago na ipinangnak dito sa mundong ito dahil wala kang respeto sa ibang tao kaya hindi ka karesperespeto dahil isa kang GAGO. ipakita mo muna picture mo tingnan natin kung gwapo ka at kokomentohan ko rin.Tumingin ka muna sa salamin lalaki ka!burn in hell fucker!mamatay ka na!mamatay ka na!masagasaan ka sana.Masaksak sa tabi ng kalsada,mabilaukan,maputol daliri,mapugutan ng ulo,masipa sa bayag mo!

—

Dude, my picture is posted on the right sidebar of the site. I’ll give you the chance to make fun of it. Come on, chop chop, time’s a wasting! Pfft. Asshole. 

 

Somebody also got hold of my Yahoo Messenger ID and sent me this message: 

 

(20:14:19) SomeGirl: tell me mike, what you have sais in your blog, that you are a 70% gay, is it true? or not? because if you like women, i will introduce you to my friend michelle, she is 23, one year older than u, and she would invite u here, and even pay for your ticket. How’s that?

—

I’ll Think about it. I hope you’re not just using me for my body like all the other girls in my life.

 

The Atrocities of Friendster Back issues:

Volume 1

Volume 2

Volume 3

Volume 4 

 

The Man Blog Roundup 

1. Pau Rapes KingKong

2. KinkyLube scores. With a man

3. Fritz says the Eraserheads suck

4. Angelo faints at the UP Oblation run 

 

Thanks to Miguel for some pics 

Posted by mikey at 9:20 PM | permalink

Previous Comments

;) hehe

Posted by kenna at December 17, 2005, 10:30 am

Think about it, any kind of publicity is good publicity, eh?

Posted by Shelly at December 17, 2005, 3:13 pm

Your comments might have been a little harsh, but then again, blogs like this remind all of us to look good in our friendster photos- better yet, to post nothing at all…

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Entertaining!

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Don't worry, you're not going to hell. Besides, I don't think you even believe in (a) God :D

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The star

Mike "Fucking" VillarAwesome

"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."

-Taken from my WikiBios page

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