Man, does time fly or what? Can you believe it? it’s the 16th of February already. It’s been two days since Valentine’s day; two days since I last came to work and two days since I seriously fucked up myself by lacing a stick of Winston red with Baygon in a tremendous bout of v-day depression.
I wasn’t entirely ‘dateless’ on V-day as I had this sort of informal dinner thing with my good friend Maffy who wasted no time in making sure that my already low self esteem suffers a further decline.
Maffy: You know Mike, we’re not ‘dateless’ we’re loveless. I wonder why it’s so easy for us to get dates yet find it difficult to find a person to love.
Me: [Not really paying attention, eating pasta sloppily, a nasty splotch of olive oil on my shirt] Yes. Definitely.
Maffy: I mean what’s up with you anyway? You’re very smart, you’re funny, you’re successful…
Me: [Not really paying attention, checking out the chick on the table across ours wondering why hot girls like her even bother going out with old, overweight accountant type guys] I hear you.
Maffy: and you’re not THAT bad looking…
Me: [Abruptly shifts my attention to her, my fork drops to the floor] EXCUSE ME?!
Maffy: You know, you’re not exactly good looking, you’re a little overweight but your other traits more than compensate for it…
Me: [Not really paying attention, anger welling up, fighting the urge to commit the largest rape/murder spree in the history of mankind] Get out of my sight. You disgust me.
Maffy: And you have breasts.
Me: [Eyes brighten up] Yay! Breasts!
A couple of clarifications. It’s true. I’m fat, I’m smart (I think) and I’m funny. And if by ’successful’ you mean having horribly calloused hands thanks to a job that requires you to staple pieces of paper together all day then I’m that too. So what’s keeping me from snagging a covergirl girlfriend you ask? The answer, dear friends is my terribly low self esteem. Ask any decent looking girl to come up to me and try to strike up a conversation and I’ll probably do one or any combination of the following things:
Besides, I think I mentioned in my previous post that I’ve sworn off relationships with women. I understand that relationships treat some people better but as for me, it’s the same vicious cycle:
Mike "Fucking" Villar
"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."
-Taken from my WikiBios page
