It’s the same routine everyday for Pau, The Man Blog’s revered Editor in Chief. He sits down on the cold bathroom floor beating off to some blonde hottie he saw on reruns of Blind Date or the Fifth wheel. He takes a shower, shaves, brushes his teeth and whatever the fuck else he does to start his day. He thinks of beating off again, this time to the thought of Jessica Alba, but decides against it realizing that he’s been beating off to sultry mental images of her for two weeks straight now. He needs new material. Suddenly, out of the corner his eye, he catches a glimpse of a horrid, hairy, blob-like monster with genitalia akin to that of a six-year old. “Holy mother of fucks!” he exclaims as he turns to face the ugly beast in the full body mirror. “Oh, it’s just my reflection. HEY LOOK! A DONUT!” He says before digging through the waste basket and passing out.
So you see, the last paragraph teaches us that even if you are a talented, multi-millionaire writer with a great personality, supportive family and caring friends like Pau; your detestable physique makes you a worthless member of society. Often, people like Pau resort to hanging themselves with a steel cable or similar materials that can withstand the tensile stress exerted by their sad, obese bodies.
I am not a lot of things (rich, good looking, haver of consensual sex) but one thing I am is an unlicensed plastic surgeon with years of experience operating on patients like Pau in the back of a rusty Volkswagen van. After being exposed to crates and crates of ugliness working on the Atrocities of Friendster, I have decided to offer my expertise to you, the ugly people of the interweb, and make the world more beautiful ONE UGLY FUCKFACE AT A TIME!
In this episode, watch me work my magic on none other than Pau. Let’s join hands in hoping that after I’m done with him, he can become a god among a flock of ugly, diseased sheep. So without further ado, I bring you episode 1 of this segment that’s going to be so full of beauty, its logo alone puts the prettiest porn stars to shame.
Mike "Fucking" Villar
"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."
-Taken from my WikiBios page
