That’s it. I am DONE with gay jokes. I’ve been getting tons of email (two) lately telling me how my entries are starting to feel like they’re deliberately pieced together, unconvincing and contrived. I would’ve just scratched my head and walked away but I AM guilty of this. It’s bad enough that 70% of my blog entries are veneered, aggrandized lies about my everyday life but fuck it! If I am going to be a fraud, I might as well be a super interesting, eloquent fraud!
Think about it, my writing has become so formulaic that, more often than not, every entry contains one or a combination of the following jokes about:
Also, I’ve been throwing gay jokes so much that my officemates and my family are pretty much convinced that I am gay. Fuckers. Just imagine this discussion I had with my family over dinner last night:
Mom: "How’s [insert name of Ex-girlfriend who couldn’t keep her knees together here] doing? Do guys still keep in touch?"
Me: "No. We have our own lives now mom, get over it."
Dad: "He’s right, get over it. But aren’t you meeting like new girls where you work?"
Stupid Fuckface Brother: "Why don’t you just tell them kuya?"
Me: [confused] "Tell them what?"
Stupid Fuckface Brother: "That you’re gay!"
[A Long awkward silence engulfs the dinner table; I’m looking for a blunt object I could hit my brother over the head with]
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHaaaaaarrnnnnn….
[Everybody’s still silent, looking at me]
Mom: "No really, Michael, is it true? Are you gay? I mean it has been more than a year since you had a girlfriend, there’s nobody new in the picture and you’re not actively looking for one."
Me: "Mom! No! It’s more complicated than that! It’s just that at this point, I want to focus on my career!"
Dad: "Well, I don’t see why you can’t have a special girl while you do. I mean, don’t real guys draw inspiration from their girlfriends?"
Me: "Real guys? Dad, well, there’s this one girl I’m crushing on in the office but she kinda has a boy.."
Stupid Fuckface brother: [Interrupting]"Oh and kuya said he had a crush on [insert name of totally unattractive guy who delivers LPG here]"
Me: "Tangina mo tumigil ka na napipikon na ako sayo ha!"
Mom: "Michael, there shall be no profanity infront of the dinner table."
Dad: "Let’s go upstairs and talk son."
Me: Mom! Dad! You don’t believe him do you?
I want to take this opportunity to set the record straight. I. AM. NOT. GAY. I mean, I do some really gay stupid stuff every now and then but shit, the macho manly stuff I do outnumber them! Just look:
What makes me gay
What makes me NOT gay
Case closed.
Oh yes…I believe you…NOT!!
Posted by kitten at March 1, 2006, 7:53 amuh..mikey, are you gay?
Fuckers
teeehihihi!! poor fella.. ..sorry im sober.. but this was a nice laugh… *ting* good idea for a plot…. to ruin my brother's night… thanks mikey!
Posted by Sillygurl hooTzie at March 1, 2006, 5:08 pmum thanks for what?
Posted by Anonymous at March 2, 2006, 5:47 pmYou being gay is the last thing I'd think of you.
Posted by Shelly at March 2, 2006, 9:11 pmHey! I love Push tha Button too, and the Dontcha song! does that make me?..oh my!
Posted by ballsofsteel at March 3, 2006, 6:54 amShelly: I LOEV YUO!
And oh shit yeah, I like that stick witchoo song too!!
Posted by Anonymous at March 3, 2006, 9:31 amhell, if you
"enjoy having sex with women. While thinking of Vin Diesel."
well, then we have a problem here.
and, you do sound a little more defensive than normal. all i'm saying is, i don't blame your family for thinking like that.
Hahaha.. you made me laugh!!!
Are you aware that your post reagrding ugly retards on friendster are being circulated via email? You're that popular na.
ROFL. i dunno, maybe it's just the insensitive prick in me <<argh, talk about really bad choice of words - especially given the gay topic >> but i've always found your entries hilarious, contrived or not
your blog is indeed a riot!!! Rock on!!!
Posted by jj at March 5, 2006, 3:22 amHehehe. This post is funny.
Posted by JL at March 6, 2006, 1:34 amoh mah garsh… honey.. its okay… being gay-ish isnt all that bad… you might even make a sequel to brokeback mountain (heh!)
seriously… rustom padilla admitted it on national tv and people loved him for it
jes joking
vin diesel huh? hahaha
you're gay. in denial lang. kaya mo yan. you should be strong like rustom padilla in pinoy big brother.
Posted by marian at March 6, 2006, 12:55 pmMikey is not gay.. NOT NOT! hehehe.
hey sweetness, i have a new URL. TC!
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