So you read the first part of The Nobleman’s guide to blogging and you say to yourself “I’m not a newbie linkwhore nor am I a snark. Hey! maybe I’m a txtblgger or a techblogger!”
The shocking realization that you don’t belong to any blogger class (which also makes you totally uncool) hits you like a thousand shards of broken glass. You begin to rethink your life. You wonder about the uniqueness and isolation of your individual experience in this hostile universe. You wistfully lift your head and ask:
WHO AM I?
Unfortunately, I don’t know. What I do know is that you are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. But who knows? Maybe you are a:
The Gurly Gurl’s ability to make coherent posts is impaired by prolonged exposure to rave parties and designer drugs which really doesn’t make much of a difference since, most of the time, all they write about are posts about their recent purchases with their Visa platinum card.
The typical gurly gurl’s blog layout consist of animated gifs and a predominantly bright pink color scheme that is sure to cause eye damage to those who view it for extended periods of time. Most of the time, the gurly gurl’s blog takes forever to load thanks to hundreds of high-resolution pictures of them and their ‘gurlfriends’ trying to look cute in some swanky metropolitan bar.
But being a gurly gurl has its perks. One is being exempt from all the rules of spelling, capitalization and grammar. Much like the txtblggr, the gurly gurl pollutes the internet with idiotic posts such as:
LoL I wAz WiT mAh Boo In GloRIEtTA EaRLiEr AnD I GoT ThIZ ReALLy CuTeSIe StUFFed ToY! ThEN We WaTChed A CHiCK FlICk buT I NeeDeD To Go To THe BAtHRooM tO PooP GLiTtEr And ConFettI!! ROFL!!! OH anD I ThINK ReEse WiTHeRsPooN is CUTee!!!
Mike "Fucking" Villar
"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."
-Taken from my WikiBios page
