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News: I’m fucked up

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Shit. I need serious help. I think I developed some sort of mental and sleeping disorder. Well, the mental disorder bit is nothing new; I mean come on, everybody knows that I am the guy who routinely comes up with innovative ways to fuck himself up (lace a cigarette with Baygon? Sure!); and if you’re a girl who regularly takes the MRT, you probably know me as the sad, creepy, obese man who smells your hair while rubbing his crotch.

Recently however, I’m having a lot of trouble getting sleep. I wouldn’t be the least bothered by it since I’m used to it and all given that I used to work for a BPO company which required me to work night shifts, but two days ago it has taken a turn for the worst. I got home from the office at around 5:30 in the morning and given that I couldn’t sleep, I decided to read several chapters of The Zahir(which, from now on, we’ll call Paulo Coehlo’s lamest attempt to sound more profound than what he really is.). All of a sudden I got all depressed and shit and I kinda tried to kill myself by repeatedly hitting my head on the wall.  As with most of my endeavors in life, I failed. I, however, succeeded in waking up my mom who, needless to say, got really upset.

Fellow Man Blogger Adam Mordo who, coincidentally, is a psychiatry nut, tried to explain it to me over one of our nicotine breaks:

Me: [smoking like 2 cigarettes simultaneously] So, do you think I’m fucked up? Do I need to take medication?
Adam: Well you already are fucked up. But there might be some physiological aspects causing it.
Me: [Intimidated by the deep word ‘physiological’] Um, what do you mean?
Adam: Look, you’re sleep deprived Mike. sleep deprivation and "shifting" schedules therefore wreak havok on one’s Circadian rhythms. The erratic exposure to light "confuses" the pineal gland disrupting the release of melatonin, which invariably affects sleeping patterns. the lack of sleep also causes a dive in serotonin levels and dopamine levels. The imbalance in these hormones have been observed in cases of manic depression and schizophrenia and in the condition known as SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Me: [Not understanding a single word] eh? So what? Am I fucked up?
Adam: You know how fucked up those rabid dogs are? The ones that froth in the mouth?
Me: um, yeah?
Adam: You’re more fucked up than those.
Me: [Cries] Give me a hug will ya?

So yes, dear reders, I’m fucked up. I know some of you are doctors or something! Please! Give me some medical advice or some shit like that! Help a brother out! Or better yet, if you are a really hot chick with big boobies and you want to experience having wild sex with a mentally distrubed (and possibly dying) guy, email me! Again it’s god [at] man-blog.com

Posted by mikey at 5:14 PM | permalink

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