Apparently what I’m going through right now is more serious than I thought. I have decided to seek medical help regarding my condition and although I have a really hot shrink and lots of drugs, I am generally very depressed and I cannot find the inspiration to write anything that makes sense.
I am running on a combination of Anti-depressants, sedatives and about three brands of sleeping pills and I expect to be in a lucid albeit lethargic state for at least two weeks.
For the meantime, send your boobie pics or what not to god [at] man-blog.com
Um, you guys remember when I told you that I was fucked up? Well guess what: I REALLY AM. I haven’t consulted a psychiatrist yet but apparently, I am suffering from chronic panic attacks. All the symptoms are there; bouts of intense, often irrational fear; heart palpitations; hyperventilation and a weird feeling that I’m choking or being smothered. These symptoms aren’t really new to me as I think I’m also hypertensive and am on the verge of a stroke (and I know this because I get all dizzy and shit whenever I bend down to tie my shoelaces) but what worries me is that my episodes usually cause me to lose control over my emotions and my behavior in general.
Earlier this morning, I was having just a swell time beating off to porn clips I have saved on my computer when all of a sudden I felt all depressed and a plethora of negative images permeated my consciousness. These ‘negative images’ range from absurd thoughts of my testicles being run over by a truck to my family’s house being burned down. Also, I become so fucking scared of dying and a feeling of impending doom engulfs me which is weird because being a borderline atheist/agnostic, the fear of dying usually ranks low in the list of things I fear.
The result of all this is usually me running around frantically in my room, banging my head on walls and inventing colorful ways of killing myself like licking a wall socket or trying to twist my neck beyond its normal range of motion.
The statistics on panic attacks are quite alarming too. 30% of people who suffer from panic disorder resort to alcoholism to cope with it–something that I have been personally taken up after my dad suggested that I drink two bottles of beer everynight to help me calm down. Something which, being the dumbass that I am, I misheard as "Two liters of beer mixed with Extra Joss, a bottle of brandy and about two packs of cigarettes every night" 17% of people suffering from panic attacks turn to drugs to alleviate the anguish associated with their condition and a small percentage resort to suicide.
Okay, I am still traumatized by my last episode so pardon me for not coming up with a more colorful way of saying THIS FUCKING SUCKS. Why does it FUCKING SUCK you ask? Well:
This is the fourth time I’m apologizing for not posting as much as I’d want to. But what makes this time different is the fact that I actually have a valid reason! This time, I’m not going to lie or fabricate some lame story about me going on a trip to the Himalayas and killing a mountain goat with my bare hands. shirtless.
This time, it’s a number of things. Over the past week, I’ve been pulling my hair out trying to find a solution to The Man Blog’s server problems. Apparently The main site, the forum, my site and Pau’s personal blog were causing quite a strain on our previous host and the sheer awesomeness of all the four sites combined were just too much for the server to handle.
We have successfully migrated all our data to a new, better server and hopefully this one holds because destroying two servers in the span of one month isn’t that awesome.
Also, I’ve been busy with The Man Blog’s upcoming LAMEcast—a terribly put together podcast recorded using substandard equipment and hosted by two of the gayest sounding men in the known world. Luckily for us, Denise, the sweet, SWEET girl who agreed to be the interviewee in this episode is a veteran in terms of how interviews go and she, God bless her, was able to hold our trembling, jittery hands through the entire ordeal; otherwise, the entire interview would’ve consisted of me giggling like an idiot with a bad kindergarten crush.
Mike "Fucking" Villar
"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."
-Taken from my WikiBios page
