I apologize(again) for not being able to post as much as I’d want to lately. I know it’s not a big deal for most of you guys, but I’ve been getting a lot of emails lately asking me why I haven’t been updating as much. There’s only one thing thing to blame for me holding this entire blogging thing in abeyance and that is WORK.
You see, I’ve kinda been put in the helm of my company’s flagship product and unlike before when I actually can spend half of my work day polluting the intarwebs with my neurosis and general retardedness, I now need to put in more than 9 hours of work. And by work, I mean that in the "I have to REALLY work because everything I do from now on will be under close scruitny by upper management" sense and not in the "I’m going to pretend to be working on this spreadsheet for six hours when all I’m really doing is writing shit on my blog and The Man Blog. Oh and I’m going to take a leisurely 3 hour lunch now, bye!" sense.
Also, my new responsibilities include me setting up strategic partnerships with other companies and that means I, your favorite socially atrophied internet star, get to setup meetings and run presentations with management guys of other companies. And I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m going to say it again: PRESENTATIONS ARE NOT MY THING. I’M A VERY INSECURE, NERVOUS MAN AND IF YOU PUT ME IN CHARGE OF SOMETHING LIKE THIS, I AM GOING TO FUCK THE ENTIRE THING UP REALLY BAD.
Okay, I hope my bosses are not reading this but in the off chance that they are, I just want to say that sirs, you are great leaders and I love the company to pieces. I’m not even thinking of taking the job offered to me by one of the top call centers in the country even though they’re offering me a salary that is like 70% more than what I’m getting now. And no, I’m not asking for a raise; I guess all I’m saying is, well, I love you. And my job.
Anyway, after making a big fool out of myself in the last iBlog summit, I met up with the wonderful people over at ABS-CBN Interactive to discuss a possible tie-up between our product and Tantra , their awesome MMORPG. And as always, I was nervous as hell and terribly unprepared so on my way to the meeting, I did the something I thought would alleviate the anxiety I was feeling and that is smoking like 20 cigarettes in a row. So you could imagine how I looked like when I finally got to meet up with the people I was supposed to meet: I was sweating like a motherfucker, I reeked badly of sweat and thanks to my awesome deodorant which I forgot to put on, I had very gross pitstains on my gray shirt.
As expected, my presentation went about as smoothly as riding a skateboard on gravel.
My VP: [Insert fluffy introduction and overview of the product here]
My VP: …And to give you a capabilities presentation of the product, here’s Mike Villar.
Everyone in the room: [Looking at me, wondering why I’m sweating like a bitch when the room was freezing]
Me: [Trying to come up with an interesting introduction] Blogging is a global phenomenon. And I think you’ll all agree that although it’s not that popular locally, it’s slowly making its presence felt in pop culture. Even I have a blog, have you guys heard of "The Atrocities of Friendster?"
Everyone in the room: [Puzzled look, shaking their heads]
Me: [Disappointed with the fact that I’m not that famous afterall] Well, nevermind. But I made that, and it’s kinda popular. Anyway, I want you to turn your attention to the screen. This [pausing for effect], ladies and gentlemen, will change the internet as you know it. [Taps on keyboard, bringing up the beta version of the product on the screen]
Everyone in the room: [amazed / bored look. I don’t know]
Me: But you ain’t seen nothing yet! We have put a lot of work into our profile pages and we have created an app that allows you to aggregate all the data you have scattered all over the web into one convenient place. So, I present to you [Does a double somersault off a chair, executes a pirouette after I land. And yeah, I took off my shirt for emphasis] THE PROFILE PAGE!!!!!!1111 [clicking on the link]
Computer: [ERROR: Connection Refused]
My VP: [Smacks his forehead. Mouths "You are so fired"]
Me: Um…my shirt please.
Well I’m just glad that’s over, it kinda feels like I just had sex; only I’m not fumbling for my wallet and saying stuff like "I only have 300 bucks on me, but I could withdraw more from the ATM downstairs if you want."
So you see, I had a very bad week. And I really have nothing for you besides my depression, which I will try to relieve by popping an entire bottle of xanax later. You, girl readers of this blog, on the other hand can make me feel better by sending me pics of you totally wasted and making out with a security guard. Well he doesn’t have to be a real security guard, you can just like make your boyfriend wear a uniform or something, I don’t know.
Ah fuck you all, I’m gonna get myself a drink.
Mike "Fucking" Villar
"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."
-Taken from my WikiBios page
