The 2006 Bleeding ear awards (part 1)

Here at the Man Blog, we want nothing more than to promote the fledgling local music scene. With the recent proliferation of a new wave of artists however, determining whether or not an artist’s music is even worth our time of day can be a daunting task.

Much like how Ralph Fiennes picked off prisoners from his balcony in Schindler’s list, The 2006 Bleeding ear awards will attempt to cull the worst of this year’s music and present them with awards and hopefully make them stop producing half-baked crap that, with the help of mainstream media, they cram to the quivering throats of the masses.

So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, the 2006 Bleeding Ear awards:

Most profoundly irritating song

Hale – Blue sky

Good Lord! What the hell are you?!

I actually wrote an open letter to Hale guy(whose name is Champ, as I found out lolz) a couple of months ago demanding a moratorium on any of his band’s songwriting activities. Seeing that the band continues to create puerile songs which have about the same complexity as a can or rocks, I am more than happy to award them the Bleeding Ear for their song Blue Sky

Why does this song deserve the Bleeding Ear? Well much like their previous radio hits such as Broken Sonnet and The Day you said goodnight, Blue sky is a formulaic song strategically written to subconsciously appeal to every heartbroken high school emo kid across the country.

It makes use of the patented Hale nasal singing™, Hale verse-chorus-verse-bridge-chorus2x song pattern™ and the Hale crude guitar playing ™ that when combined, gives this song that unmistakable distinctiveness that can only be Hale.

This song is written in much the same way as a horoscope is: Vague enough to make everybody feel that it specifically applies to them but when examined closely makes as much sense as something written by a monkey sitting down on a keyboard.

Is there hate in your heart?
Does your body drop and tell you to stop
Loving you or loving me
When it all falls down you just sing with me

Coz there’s a blue sky waiting tomorrow
Waiting tomorrow shining and shimmering
A blue sky waiting tomorrow
Waiting tomorrow
Maybe it’s all we need

Yeah, really now Champ? you’re what? 30 fucking years old or something? Brilliant.

Hale apologists may say “But the chorus is great! I feel as if the song is talking to me!” I guess. But the fact that this song is ignominiously packaged, the fact that Hale is making a travesty of what rock music is supposed to be, the fact that tolerance of such songs perverts the public’s perception of what good music is supposed to sound like, and how Champ’s eyes are set too far apart? Unforgivable.

The just buy a small island and retire award

Ely Buendia – Pupil

The reason why the frontman of a band who managed to sustain popularity and great influence for more than a decade resorts to feeble stabs at “musical exploration” geared mainly towards pop is beyond me.

It’s such a shame that one of the people responsible for creating the venerable institution that is the local rock scene could form a new band and spew out insipid crap (Nasaan ka, Dianetic)that sound like the work of washed up phonies who’re writing songs out of necessity.

Has the once grand creative well of someone who’s quite possibly the greatest local song writer totally dried up? Does he come home at night and see his malnourished children rolling around the grimy floors of his ramshackle cabin, clutching their stomachs in hunger that he’s doing this entire band gig out of sheer necessity?

We will never know. But Ely, here’s your bleeding ear.

The I don’t care if you sound like a cross between Britney Spears and a really messed up dolphin, I’d still do you anyway award

Kitchie Nadal

I rest my case.

To be continued. Up next: Orange and Lemons, Kala, Cueshe, Rocksteddy and much more.