It's been close to two weeks since I last updated and I honestly don't know where to begin this update since in that short span of time, there was simply a surfeit of positive change that took place in this rising internet star's life.
This is going to be long and possibly boring so let's get right to it. You're probably all "Positive changes? But you suck dude, how is that possible?" and tempted as I am to say "No, YOU suck", I'm too much in a good mood to do so and instead, I'm going to go ahead and tell you about these changes that I speak of. In chapters.
Career
I've recently been hired by another company and if things go smoothly, I will be starting early october. This is a very good thing considering the timing couldn't have been any better since my contract with my current employer expired a couple of days ago.
And thus continues my puzzling run at excelling at whatever it is that I do. I mean seriously, how I made it to where I am now as far as my career would go is beyond me. See, more often than not, I don't even know what I'm doing and I already lost count as to how many times something like this happened:
Boss: Michael, do you have data on your team's sales and conversion ratio?
Me: [Alt+Tabbing to switch from the porn site I was audaciously browsing to an Excel spreadsheet] Yeah, everything looks good. Especially sales, figures are through the roof!
Boss: Excellent! I knew you can do it!
Me: [Writing "Conversion ratio? WTF?" on my notebook and underlining it twice] Hey man, Like I said when you interviewed me for this position, "With Mike Villar you pay for RESULTS" Just giving you your money's worth sir!
Boss: Good man. Keep up the good work!
Me: Um sir, another thing– Do you think I could have one of those coffee makers [insert name of Director-level guy here who's at least two pay grades above me] has in his office?
Boss: Anything for my favorite employee! I'll talk to purchasing right now.
Me: Good man.
After than, the next couple of hours will be spent on me ordering my Business Development Assistant who's obiously more compentent than I am on so many levels, asking her to find out what the hell Conversion Ratios are while I kill myself with free coffee and surf more porn sites.
I've always thought of myself as an overachiever whose success is based entirely around luck. Also, I have a strong feeling that the aforementioned luck will soon see its end and when it does, it's not going to be pretty. I don't think the top brass would be happy when they realize that the guy in charge of their Marketing doesn't even know how to make a Marketing plan and whose core competencies are limited to his expertise in sexual harrasment and stealing office furniture and supplies for home use.
Please pray for me.
[more later after lunch and possibly masturbation]
Mike "Fucking" Villar
"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."
-Taken from my WikiBios page
