If you've ever read a single post in this blog you'd know how desperate I am when it comes to female companionship. So yeah, nothing new there but lately, it seems like I've hit an all time low as far as being a lonely, sexually deprived sap is concerned. I mean you know you're in a rut when your sexual aggressiveness has reached a point where you'd willingly fuck any random tissue box just to get by.
But the crushing validation did not come until earlier this afternoon. I got off from work around 3pm and enjoyed a leisurely, uneventful drive most of the way home. The only congestion I encountered was on this intersection about 5 kilometers away from where I live. Traffic was backed up for at least a kilometer which is unusual since traffic on this stretch of road never gets backed up until around 5pm when all the schools in the vicinity simultaneously dismiss their students from their last class.
After what it seems like a year of crawling through bumper to bumper traffic, I finally reached the aforementioned problematic intersection and found out what's causing the traffic: Cows. Two of them. A calf and its mother. In the middle of the intersection. The calf sucking milk out of the mother's ginormous teat with such blithe unconcern towards everything and everyone around them.
Now I could imagine most drivers were cussing their heads off or at the very least, mildy aggravated.
Me?
I don't know if it's the Sarah Mclachlan CD playing in my car or the way the calf's head was violently thrashing around as it fervently sucked milk out of the teat, but I got a major fucking erection watching them.
Getting a fucking boner watching bovines. Good lord.
Also, for some reason, a feeling of bitterness towards my last ex girlfriend is engulfing me. I mean what the fuck Nixie? We had such a wonderful thing going on! I was willing to give you everything in exchange for mild cuddling and letting me smell your hair while I cry. Why do you have to break it off? Was it my ineptness at the ways of pleasuring a woman? Because you really can't blame that on someone like me whose knowledge as far as physical sex would go is limited to what he learned through Betamax tapes or paying some girl (Or guy. One time)an exorbitant amount of money to attempt to have sex with him then later on beg for a refund because he cannot sustain an erection. That's just unfair. Did I say I hate you already? Well I do, and I hope you get attacked by mutant pigeons and hit by a car. Also, I hope that car explodes and somebody spits at you. That is all.
[By the way, are you guys watching Entourage? If not, then I'm afraid we cannot continue to be friends. Please find another internet star to send your weird naked pictures to. Thanks]
Mike "Fucking" Villar
"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."
-Taken from my WikiBios page
