It's been a year and a half now since I started this blog and it's been one hell of a ride. For a few weeks when I first started writing I had around three people reading my blog and one of them even stopped visiting after I wrote about our surreptitious, real-life sexual relationship (again Jake, I'm sorry. For writing about how bad you were at sex. And for trying to set your house on fire).
I really didn't have an inkling that a year later, I would become one of the hottest commodities in the local internet scene. I mean sure, all bloggers out there have been offered an all expense paid trip to Australia because one of their readers can't get enough of them and loved the shit they write online so much that they wanted to meet them in person; all bloggers out there get an average of six thousand hits a day on their blogs; and all bloggers out there masturbate to their blog's traffic stats using a dirty pantyhose– oh wait, actually, these only apply to ME. Sorry about that.
Okay let's stop beating around the bush here. Over the span of a year, I have written 200,000 words of pure entertainment for you guys and have asked nothing in return(Blatant lie. There're the occasional "So you love my blog? Let's have sex and not see each other again. Come on it will be fun" appeals I throw here and there but you get the picture. Don't be a harpy.). Until now that is. You see, one of the blogs I write for, the infamous Man Blog, has made it to the pre-finals of the 9th Annual Philippine Web Awards and in light of this development, I would like to ask, nay, beg everyone to vote for us. Help us win the People's Choice award so I can hock whatever the prize is(which Im hoping has monetary value) and spend it on cocaine or transgender whores. Or both.
Also, if you haven't already, tell all your friends about The Man Blog! Make us famous! Get us a coffee table book deal that your grandmother and her cohorts would enjoy reading in their palliative care facility. Forward the link to your college mailing list or whatever. I've actually created an email template to make things easier for you:
Hello everyone,I realize that we haven't been in contact for quite some time now. I know most of you hate me and I know that I had sex with one of you at one point in time but it got all awkward after I told all of my friends that you gave me one of the toothiest blowjobs I've ever had in my life. This remains true to date. You see, the trick is to open your mouth as wide as comfortably possible and form an "O" with your lips in such a way that they partially cover your teeth. But I digress.
I actually write you today to spread the news about how a group of men and their website caused my miserable life to do a complete 180 for the better. They are normal men like the rest of us except one of their editors who calls himself Mike "Fucking" Villar has been rumored to have eaten an entire school bus and one time, even kicked a dog. Although what they write is, more often than not, crass and downright offensive, there are occasions when they could be totally hilarious. And it's not "Seinfeld" funny too but more of like a "Simpsons, Arrested Development and Texas Walker Ranger combined" funny.
So please check out their site at http://man-blog.com and vote for them in the upcoming 9th Philippine Web Awards. You see, Mike "Fucking" Villar can get really competitive and he said something about eating our souls and our unborn children if they don't win.
May God have mercy on our souls.
Your friend in Christ,
[Your name]
So yeah, vote for us. But really, who gives a fuck? I'm Mike "Fucking" Villar goddammit. Have you heard of the Philippine Daily Inquirer? How about the Manila Bulletin? The 1992 Saint Lukes School Spelling Bee Championships? How about the Vizconde Massacre? I don't need some stupid award to tell me how awesome I am. Who the fuck wants to challenge me to a fist fight?! I did two pushups earlier and I feel like I can kick anyone's ass right now! Bring it!
[sorry, I got a little carried away there. Have a great week everyone!]
Mike "Fucking" Villar
"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."
-Taken from my WikiBios page
