Paulo Coelho holding flowers given to him by his life partner, Leif (also in picture)
Mike: I am here today in Rio De Janeiro Brazil waiting anxiously for the arrival of today’s interviewee, Mr. Paulo Coelho. For those of you unfamiliar with Paulo Coelho’s work, he is the author of the best-selling book The Alchemist , a book which to date, has sold well over 11 million copies and has been translated to 41 languages. Oh here he is now! It’s my honor to finally meet you Mr Coelho—
Paulo Coelho: “The moment of that kiss contained every happy moment I had ever lived.
Mike: Um…sorry?
Paulo Coelho: Ah. You cannot possibly understand.
Mike: Understand what? With all due respect sir, your statement didn’t even make sense—
Paulo Coelho: We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path.
Mike: Rrright. I’ve always thought you were the master of esoterocism but I never thought that you drivel this much even in person.
Paulo Coelho: …
Mike: …Okaay, now that we got the pleasantries out of the way, shall we move on to the questions I prepared?
Paulo Coelho: We have to stop and be humble enough to understand that there is something called mystery.
Mike: [getting pissed] Whatever dude. Let me get on with my questions. So Mr. Coelho, how do you respond to criticisms thrown at you saying that your books are nothing but a bunch of glorified self help books and that your writing is mediocre at best?
Paulo Coelho: A warrior of light who trusts too much in his intelligence will end up underestimating the power of his opponent.
Mike: Again Mr. Coelho I don’t see how that statment answers my question. But yeah whatever. Since we’re on this topic, why don’t we talk about this Warrior of the light thing. What is it with the black turtlenecks, the carefully groomed goatee and the fake sword?
Paulo Coelho: Tonight his eyes were shining-he looked wonderful.
Mike: You’re not even listening to my questions are you?
Paulo Coelho:—They were seeking out the treasure of their destiny, without actually wanting to live out their destiny.
Mike: So I could pretty much say whatever I want and get away with it because you’re too far gone with all your esoteric bullshit that you couldn’t even say anything that makes sense.
Paulo Coelho: The biggest mistake of the man is that he thinks he doesn’t deserve the good and the bad things from his life.
Mike: Well, Pablo, I’ve always wanted to say this to you: Can you like turn down the gayness? Just a notch dude? I mean the black turtleneck and the fake sword should go man.
Paulo Coelho: Why do we have to listen to our hearts? Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you’ll find your treasure.
Mike: Also, One of your books, The Zahir, was given to me as a present and guess what I did to it? I ripped it apart and used its pages to wipe shit from my pale white ass.
Paulo Coelho: The biggest mistake of the man is that he thinks he doesn’t deserve the good and the bad things from his life
Mike: And oh you know, By the river Piedra I sat down and wept is quite possibly the worst writing I’ve seen in my life. It has the complexity of a can of rocks and has about the same emotional impact as a mosquito bite.
Paulo Coelho: Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience.
Mike: Fuck you dude. Do all of us a favor and stop writing books man because seriously, all who ever read your shit are pretentious, coffee house-going yuppies and corporate drones who spend their days sitting around cubicled offices in fancy chairs with their Starbucks commuter mugs.
Paulo Coelho: When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.
Mike: I want to punch you so much—
Paulo Coelho: Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.
Mike:—And all the Paulo Coelho fanbois/fangirls who clog the aisles over at Powerbooks talking loudly about how you’re the best thing that happened to literature. Damn you! Damn all of you to hell!
Paulo Coelho: Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time.
Mike: I am going to hang myself now. Go back to beating on your bongos and lamenting about “sticking it to the man!” you hippie!
Mike "Fucking" Villar
"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."
-Taken from my WikiBios page
