melting people’s faces off

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

As much as I want to tell you an interesting story about my band's first ever gig last Saturday, I am sorry to say that other than the fact that we FUCKING ROCKED THE CROWD'S FACES OFF, we got through our set without incident.

My band has a rather interesting dynamic mainly because we played thrash metal, something I'm really not into being the Grunge/Punk/Emo fag that I am. The other members of the band absolutely dig it and the usual scene in my band's practice involves me walking in the studio hearing some galling, Slayer/Megadeth/Metallica song, and having to learn the lyrics to them on the spot.

This could prove difficult at times not because I am a terrible singer,which I certainly am not (2001 Hillcrest Village singing contest 2nd runner up for singing Mike Post's Believe it or not. Beat that. bitch.), nor is it because I am drunk and high most of the time. It's because of the 'Artistic Difference' (aka the jealousy and hatred I feel towards them because they are adept in playing their individual instruments and my singing voice sounds like a gayified Rivers Cuomo at best) between myself and the rest of the band.

See I prefer singing songs like Radiohead's "Creep", Matchbox 20's "Push" and Destiny's Child's "Cater to you"(Okay, not so much this one) over Metallica's "Master of Puppets" or Slayer's "Dead Skin Mask."

Really, who can blame me for being a soulful artiste who laughs and scoffs at the insipid batter of pretense and noise you "metal heads" try to pass off as music?

And come on, let's take a look at a typical metal song shall we?

By the last breath of fourth wind blows
You better raise your ears
The sound of hooves knock at your doors

Lock up your wife and children now
It's time to wield the blade
For now you've got some company

- The Four Horsemen by Metallica

Time for Mike Villar's one-word song review: "Eh?" I mean seriously, I can write something way better than that crap in 10 seconds:

Fetal plastic bag beckons me tonight
I said no and it made me feel its wrath!
Fire and brimstone! Insanity! Chaos!

[Insert like a 5 minute guitar solo here]

I don't like it! [growling] I don't! [growling] No really, I don't! [big ass growl]

[Insert a shorter, like a 3 minute guitar solo here and maybe a harmonica bit]

Get me medicines! From the drugstore! [fade]

- Untitled by Mike Villar: Rising internet star/Communist

 

Anyway, I had a good time performing. It was relaxing at the least and  It was really fun getting drunk and throwing empty bottles at the silly kids singing Typecast and Bamboo songs.

But most of all, I had fun because I was playing for my number 1 fan that night: My Fiancée Mayne who was among those who cheered for me last Saturday. Her cheers were the only ones that mattered. Without her I probably would've thrown up and cried on stage like the pussy I am.

[Yeah I know this part totally kills the post but fuck you at least I'm getting sex. And love.  Are you?]