Okay, I'm back. Sorry for the lack of updates. Please understand that this rising Internet star has been awkwardly juggling different priorities this week. Let's break it down: For the benefit of virgin readers (read: first time readers. I don't care about your hymen. Unless your interested in me breaking it. And you're over 18), I recently got myself a new job. I don't know if it's the weather or the fact that I didn't get a vacation and transitioned straight into it from my previous job but for some reason, I am feeling minor burnout setting in. It's just so hard to get out of bed lately; this morning, I woke up, saw that the weather was cold and drizzly, and I thought “I am so fucking sleepy. Never mind that I've been sleeping for close to 12 hours now since last night and with four bottles of strong beer aiding me no less. I can't wait until I get home from work tonight so I could get—ZzzZzzzzzzzZ…”
Suffice it to say, I've been clocking in for work in the nick of time and even a couple of minutes late for a week now, and this is not good. I badly need some straightening up and I pray to God that this “straightening up” that I speak of doesn't come in the form of a memo, or worse a suspension. (If my bosses are reading this, I'm really sorry. Please don't deduct money from my salary. I need every cent of it to sustain my cocaine addiction. Thanks)
Another reason might be because my ex girlfriend is in town and I've been spending most of my nights with her since she flew in. And yes, I'm getting a lot of sex now. In fact, I'm getting so much I think I somehow managed to injure my penis. But you know, don't let that stop you from emailing me and offering to suck my bird because frankly, I haven't had sex for so long, I think I could go on having sex nightly for a month and not get sick of it. Also, I still masturbate a lot. Is this normal? Anyone? No? Okay.
Anyway, for those of you who don't know, I'm just a lowly junior executive for an Internet company, and I'm sure you could imagine the significant dent four nights of dining out at random restaurants and barhopping has has caused to my wallet. And it's not like I pick up the tab every time too. In the four nights my ex and I were out, I've only paid for dinner twice and the hotel room we spent a night in once. Yeah, I know, I'm awesome. You see the trick is when it's time to pay for the bill, you slowly reach for your wallet and wait until the girl you're with stops you and offers to pay for it, then you act all surprised and say something to the effect of “Really? Are you sure? I mean you don't have to. I make so much money nowadays I actually don't know where to spend it anymore [effeminate laugh]. Ah, but if you insist.” At this point, the girl you're with would probably make a disgusted face and proceed to pay for the bill. This is when you hit her with your coup d' grace and say “You are the sweetest thing ever” and maybe top it off with a peck on the cheek. It never fails. God, I'm such a douche.
Since I had nothing better to do earlier, I decided to look at my remaining finances. Much to my surprise and emotional distress, I realized that I only had 6 thousand pesos to spend for the next week and a half. Not good. Not good at all. Exactly 5 seconds after I realized that I only had that much money to last me over a week, I was sitting on the cold bathroom floor cramming anti-depressants down my throat in an effort to prevent me from totally losing it and doing something stupid like what happened to me last year when I “accidentally” fell off the Pasig bridge after I lost my remaining money in a card game to a bunch of homeless people.
I have nobody else to blame for this bind but myself. I make decent money from work (16k a month! Whoopee!) but I am the worst when it comes to controlling expenses and saving. Like earlier, I was thinking of ways to save money, it went like this “I am only going to take my car to work for three days and take the MRT the rest of the week. This would save me at least 600 pesos worth of gasoline a week.” Then it deviated into me thinking “Hmmm, I wonder what [insert ex girlfriend's name here] and I would do when we see each other again, I think I want to drop 3 large on one of Victoria court's Matrix Rooms and have a go at the Love Robot. Mmmm.” I know, don't tell me. I fucking suck.
So here I am, broke as fuck. Again. I honestly don't know what to do about it at this point. Although I am trying my best to scrimp and save and you'd be proud to know that I have been taking baby steps to achieve this. Like earlier, I stole 20 bucks to buy cigarettes from my co-worker (sorry Gabby), and who knows? Maybe tomorrow, I'll steal his cellphone and hock it for even more money. Then, next week, I'll bring a gym bag and walk away with my boss' laptop and sell it for a decent amount of cash. Fucking genius.
Brief hiatus ladies and gentlemen. Lots of things going on in my life–im pretty sure they'd make for great content when I return. Just to give you an idea of what I've been doing lately:
Mike "Fucking" Villar
"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."
-Taken from my WikiBios page
