The 2006 Bleeding Ear Awards: Marc Abaya

Thursday, December 7, 2006

Irritator of the year – Marc Abaya

The Irritator of the year award is arguably the most prestigious award given by the Bleeding Ears. The Irritator of the year
award is given to any musical artist who has survived the most
malevolent flogging from critics and discerning listeners, only to
unbelievably continue churning out abysmal, albeit, successful
multi-platinum albums.

Make no mistake, the decision to give Marc Abaya this award is in no way easy. Marc and his current band Kjwan
have been universally acknowledged for their afflictive playlist, their
total failure to evolve and improve in any significant way and their
astonishing plummet in terms of musicianship. Nobody knows how anybody
could manage to come up with far worse material than “Daliri”, a track off their self-titled debut album they released back in 2004. But with the release of their track “Pintura” off their sophomore effort 2 Step marv, they somehow managed to overthrow even that reprehensible menace of a song within our collective hearts.

But why give the award to Marc Abaya and not to Kjwan as a whole?

Well let’s take a look at the chorus of their song Pintura:

Sino ka ba?
Ano ang iyong lihim?
Papaano kita mapapaibig
Mapapa sa’kin

Now lets take a look at how Marc Abaya sings it:

Shiiinohhh Kahhh bahhhh?
Hanooh ang yhooong liheiiiimmm?
Pahhaaappaaaaaanoohh khittaahhhh mapapaibeeeiggg
Mapapa Saaakeeeeeiiiinhhh? Bwah! HAh hah. Bwah! Hah Hah!

I can picture Marc sitting in the studio, smoking a cigarette,
contemplating on how he can make the riffs of their last radio hit
sound more like a Rage Against The Machine song so
that people can laugh at them more and how he can make his voice at
least 10% more annoying. “Success.” he says to himself, “I’ve composed
something that will go down in the annals of history as THE MOST
ANNOYING SONG EVER WRITTEN—but I must not stop here! I am too
inebriated with my own voice’s sexiness that I must insert more
“blaaaaughhhs!” and “Hahhhh-ha-haahhhhs” after the chorus to make it
more painfully unbearable.”

Lets also take a look at this conversation:

Marc: Mom I think I want to join an already popular rockband

Marc’s mom: [Oblivious, eating a cigarette]

Marc: Then when I’m famous enough, I think I’m going to form a sideband and call it Rage Against The Machine

Marc’s mom:…

Marc: …Wait that’s the name of the band we’re going to blatantly rip off. Wait I think I want to be an MTV VJ instead.

Marc’s mom: Get out of my house.

I rest my case.

I don’t know what the fuck he’s doing in this picture but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal

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This post is part of a series: The 2006 Bleeding Ear awards. Part 1 of which can be found here and Part 2, here.