T3 baby!

Sunday, January 14, 2007

 

The Man Blog's posts are sarcastic and littered with foul language. Deliberately politically incorrect and brimming with sexual innuendo, The Man Blog's fodder for hate mail, but for the rest, an addictive blog to read during office hours. The wacky photos strewn all over it are enough entertainment as it is, but the editors and contributors take it a step further by actually writing hilarious stories and musings–make believe or otherwise–on just about anything under the sun to go with them.

As if the slap-your-knee photos and posts aren't enough, even the comments section is amusing with the exchange of wisecracks among the editors, visitors, and even haters of the site. Reading it feels like going through a meaner version of FHM in the restroom. A blog definitely not recommended for the killjoy, but moreover, not for the weak of heart.

Okay, here's what I want you to do: Stop sucking cock for one minute and head over to your nearest convenience store and pick up the January-February issue of T3 Magazine. If you're anything like me, you'll probably leaf through a couple of pages and masturbate to new gadgets that represent 5% of the total cost of your parents' first house and gadgets you probably can't afford. Once you get that out of the way, turn to page 91 and read the shit written under the blogs section. 

Let it sink in for a few minutes. Done? Now say it with me:

HOLY FUCKING CUNT PUSSY MOUTH BURGER EXTREME! 

Okay people, the important thing here is that nobody panics. If you panic, we panic. And if we panic nobody wins. I understand that this is a chaotic time for all of us but let's all calm down here and attempt to make light out of this entire thing.  Now, I think it behooves everybody for me to open the floor to a short Q&A.

Q: But why? You guys suck!

A: We really have no idea. At this point, the best we can do is formulate conclusions based on incomplete and inconclusive information. We are guessing that:

• Somebody over at T3's unhappy with his/her job (I heard Summit doesn't have dental) and is desperately trying to lose it.
• A TMB editor (most likely Steel) had sex with somebody in T3, took pictures of her (or him, most likely) while he/she slept and used aforementioned pictures to blackmail said person to write a positive review for TMB.
• Maybe Elvis isn't really dead.

Q: The last one didn't really make sense–

A: Yeah, well fuck you.

Q: Um, what now?

A: Well, unlike our Interview with The Manila Bulletin(which had Pau's, Adam's, Kinkylube's Emer's, and my name plastered all over it; and which got me laid quite a few times), we can't really keep a copy of the magazine's page in our wallets all the time so we can whip it out when we're in bars trying to solicit sex from 16 year-old girls. That just doesn't work, trust me on this.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we're not really famous outside the internet so we're going to solicit sex from you.  So you know, if you're a girl, remotely hot and you're open to the idea of showing us how well-groomed your pubic region is in exchange for a warm place to sleep in and a little money, do drop us a line.

Nah seriously, I'd like to thank the people behind T3 especially the beautiful(?) Chrissy Icamina for this mention/ego masturbation. We'll make sure you receive some man-lovin' this Christmas.