Byezies!

Saturday, February 10, 2007

One of the worst things about my mental condition is that it makes me predisposed to experiencing crippling bouts of Dysphoria. For me, Dysphoria manifests itself as an episode–I don't even know if I could call it an episode as my dysphoric bouts last for days on the average–as a severely unpleasant, uncomfortable mood which usually rears its ugly head with a pinch of hypochondria. This means that for an entire day, I cannot help but be anxious about every fucking thing and be irrationally afraid of disease/death that at this moment, I am quite sure I am going to die because I have a minor headache which I am stubbornly insisting to be a brain hemorrhage.

Before, I alleviate this dysphoria/hypochondira the best way I know–to beat my dick like it owes me money. This usually causes me to snap out of it almost instantaneously and puts me in a state of heightened alertness. No thanks to the drugs I'm taking however, I can't even masturbate decently. I've tried everything really, from playing my favorite porn clips in my media player to imagining a Swedish midget dancing on top of a table naked (which, prior to everything, hasn't failed me) but I just can't get myself to orgasm.

I found out why. It turns out that one of the pills I'm taking (Lexapro which is escitalopram oxalate/SSRI) has some rather sad side effects. According to Wikipedia

SSRIs can cause various types of sexual dysfunction such as anorgasmia, erectile dysfunction, and diminished libido. Initial studies found that such side effects occur in less than 10% of patients, but since these studies relied on unprompted reporting, the frequency was probably underestimated. In more recent studies, doctors have specifically asked about sexual difficulties, and found that they are present in between 41%^[3] and 83% of patients.^[4] This dysfunction occasionally disappears spontaneously without stopping the SSRI, and in most cases resolves after discontinuance. In some cases, however, it does not; this is known as PSSD.

So you could imagine me drunk as fuck in my bathroom with my pants around my ankles, swaying back and forth furiously flogging my penis to no avail, before eventually ending up sweaty, popping a Lionel Ritchie CD in my stereo and crying myself to sleep while nursing a sore dick.

I have a brain hemorrhage my friend and I'm quite certain that this is it. My brain's bleeding out, I am anxious and aroused as hell–mostly aroused though–and I know that I am going to be checking out of this world and moving onto the next which is, if it's still not obvious, hell.

I am positive that my death is imminent, I can smell it. And on that note, I would like to thank everybody who has sent me fanmail over my short yet sweet blogging career. You have been nothing but a source of great inspiration for me and for those rare few that I checked out on Friendster or MySpace, a source of a lot of my masturbatory fantasies as well.

However, I am not one to take death lightly and I am very very bitter right now. With that said, I would like it to be known that I would haunt the shit out of everybody who has visited this site. So if you're a guy, the next time you're taking a poop and you feel a gentle tug on your left testicle, that's me. Say hello. If you're a girl, and you're in the toilet peeing, Well I don't know, I haven't thought about it yet.

So this is it my friends. I bid thee farewell but not before one last request: Please don't be cheap bastards and give biscuits, flowers or coffee on my funeral. Instead, give money. Lots of it. Because last week, I stole my mom's credit card and used it to buy drinks for everybody at the local garment factory. I mean, those guys were really good to me (except for that time they accused me of cheating on a card game and threw me off a bridge) so I decided to give something back to them before I kick the bucket. Also, I think I might've messed up on the Colombian deal I was talking to you guys about and really, once they find out that I lost 20 Kilograms of cocaine in a cockfight, nobody's going to come out a winner.

Please pray for me. I love you guys!