Only 5 months after I made this announcement, an announcement which was met with a lot of anticipation, sorrow and even chagrin for some; it is with a lot of grief that I announce that I have recently broken up with the girlfriend.
And as if this is a portent of things to come, I am citing "irreconcilable differences" as the main reason for our tragic breakup. (This is not going to be much different from my first marriage which will end in a flurry of domestic violence, gambling debts, and homicide.)
The funny thing is that I KNOW I should be all sad and shit but I'm not and quite frankly, I'm okay. I'm actually thinking of all the wonderful fun things I can do a couple of months from now like getting really drunk and high one day on vitamins, toothpaste and hair product before proceeding to call the ex informing her that I knocked up some bimbo I met in a bar and telling her that hadn't we broken up, my life would've been so much better. She'd then proceed to console me by telling me that It's okay and I should instead focus on loving and providing for my new family then I'd go ahead and say "Fuck you" and tell her about how I hate her, how I badly want to piss on her corpse, set her parents' house on fire and how I put a magical curse on her and how all her children will have really big right ears and some sort of weird-ass vestigial tail.
So yeah, obviously, the entire gamut of emotions normally involved in breakups hasn't sunk in yet. But let me assure you that once it does, it's not going to be pretty. Think along the lines of government office, hostages, SWAT team, a demand for a basket of tempura, lots of screaming and me dying of cardiac arrest while raping an old accountant.
So yeah, things are pretty grim for me right now. The good news is, however, I'm all for expedience and I'm looking forward to fast tracking the entire mending a broken heart process. I'm actually going out on a date this Saturday with a really hot, smart, non-imaginary girl. Yes Nikki I'm talking about you.
Well that's all I have for you today. Why don't you guys try and find something else to entertain you today? Like maybe racism or gambling? I hate you.
Mike "Fucking" Villar
"a Manila-based blogger made famous by his Atrocities of Friendster series, a regular feature he publishes on his blog where he mercilessly criticizes and mocks pictures of ugly people he stumbles upon on popular social networking site, Friendster. Although a lot of people are offended by what he writes, long-time readers of his blog regard him as a brilliant satire writer."
-Taken from my WikiBios page
