MRT Mega Adventure Fantasy Fun!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

When I'm not on personal phone calls or reading celebrity gossip sites at work, I enjoy analyzing this blogs' stats. Now I'm not exactly an expert at this but let me tell you something, an IP address can tell you a lot about the person who's visiting the site. Allow me to demonstrate:

202.01.20.123

"202" is the number of friends this particular visitor has on MySpace. "01" is the number of times he/she has gotten laid within the last 24 hours. "20" means that said person's grandfather was a slack-jawed Canadian bootlegger who manufactured fake Whiskey in copper tubs back in 1920 prohibition era United States. And "123" means that this person rides the MRT a lot. (Just play along)

You see what I did there? I came up with 2 paragraphs of fluff. And I got your attention and made you hate me and my unborn children.

Anyway, today, I am going to write about the MRT because I rode it to work this morning and although it's a short comfortable ride from North Avenue to Shaw Station, I have one gripe: It's hella boring. 

For this reason, I came up with inventive games to help you, the urban warrior/squatter who doesn't have a car to make the commute more bearable.

 

THE HOW MANY DOUCHEBAGS ARE LISTENING TO THEIR FAKE IPODS GAME 

You shouldn't limit your count to the ones you find in the MRT car; try to spot people rocking out to How To Save a Life or some other stupid "The world is a music video; and I'm the star!" type song in the station or even the people you fall in line while getting a card. 

Usually these are people who hold up the line because they wouldn't stop being douchebags for a second and remove their fake earbuds to listen to what the ticket booth attendant is telling them.

On the train, these are usually the people who are sensually mouthing the lyrics to whatever the hell they're listening to on their fake iPods while sending SMS quotes to the "TXTM8" they found on TXTTUBE or whatever gay SMS channel they watch using their second hand mobile phones on All-day UNLIMITXT.

My personal best is 12, with 6 of them coming in from the Cubao station which, as we all know, is the most jologs station of all. 

Also, I met the girl I'm dating via TXTTUBE and now she will punch me in the throat and won't have TXTSECKS with me whenever I feel horny and desperate.  

 

 

THE HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE IN WORSE SHAPE THAN I AM GAME

Now a few rules for this game: This game only applies to people who are in the 20-30 age range since old people are generally disgusting and in bad shape. Now I don't know about you guys but I find that very few people are in genuinely worse shape than I am. My personal high is three and two of them look rich and therefore still better than I am. 

Anyway, even if I'm morbidly fat, I still hold the belief that there is no lower form of existence than that of a fat guy riding the MRT on rush hour and occupying space that could easily be occupied by four normal-sized people.

Whenever a fat guy boards the MRT I let out an audible "ugh" signifying my disgust which is more often than not overheard. Fat guy then says something to the effect of "Yeah I'm fat, so are you. You have a problem bitch?" And I say "Yeah I do. Bitch" Then he says "So are you going to stand there looking like you're hungry for some cock or are you going to do something about it?" Then I go "What if I do this–" then give him a one inch punch ala Bruce Lee which sends him flying through the back of the car amid the cheer of people because even though we're both fat, I'm more charming. I would then pick him up and throw him out the open door and say something suave like "Oh by the way, this is your stop."  More cheering follows and everyone else gets off except too hot twins who work at Makati who give me the most awesome alternating blowjobs Asia has ever seen.

Also, I suffer a stroke but luckily, one of the twins has a defibrilator and manages to revive me. We will then be inserperable for life. 

I try not to play this game too much as it deals a significant blow to my self esteem and gets me all depressed. And we all know where my depression leads– To a McDonald's. Where I order two Big Macs and a sundae. Not good. 

THE HOW MANY CHICKS WON'T I MIND FUCKING IN THIS TRAIN GAME

Now this is easily my favorite game being that right now, I would pretty much fuck anything that moves  barring any major abnormality (And I mean major, like a pale gigantic hand that doesn't even move). 

For some reason or another though, it seems that all the chicks who ride the MRT are hella ugly. And my personal best as far as this game would go is a miserable 5. I mean seriously, I can hang out in Greenhills for less than 10 minutes and easily spot 20 females I wouldn't mind sexing up.

I mean come on! Is it really too much to ask for attractive women on the MRT? I mean so I could imagine myself taking them to a nice fancy dinner, maybe throw back a few beers after, then check in to some motel and watch some porn on my laptop, then maybe act out a few scenes only I play the girl parts and they play the guy parts? Is it? 

No really, is it?