My horrible weekend, guitar, how I suck at muzak

Monday, May 7, 2007

After rereading my post about my absolute lack of financial direction, I had an epiphany. of sorts. The financial furrow I got myself into is worsening  by the day and it is time to put a stop to it. And yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am going to start doing something about it. 

After crying to my mom and going through a list of my itemized weekly expenses with her, we both concluded that my weekly immoderate indulgence on alcohol, cigarettes and (sometimes) prostitutes is what's killing me and it would really help if I could try and stay home on weekends instead of my usual routine of spending over 2 thousand pesos a night on beer and countless ladies' drinks. 

So I yeah, I decided to give this 'staying at home on weekends to save money' thing a try last Friday. Instead of hanging out with friends after I got off work, I headed straight home, popped a Xanax and was knocked out by 10pm. I woke up around noon and ate three slices of Pizza for lunch then proceeded to nap from 1pm to 3pm. Conclusion: Sleep = awesomecakes.

But here's why this entire 'staying at home on weekends to save money' thing would never work: After I woke up around 3pm Saturday, I, naturally wasn't feeling hungover and actually felt kind of recharged. And with no sign of puke on my bedroom floor nor were there any empty cans of Century Tuna lying around my bed like they would if I got plastered the night before, I think "Hey since I didn't go out and spend money last night, I should go to the mall and spend money today." 

Coincidentally, my band had a gig on Sunday and my bandmates and I were supposed to practice Saturday night,  And since I felt like a winner on so many levels; two hours later, I was in the local music store with a brand new Fire Truck Red Gibson Epiphone on one hand and an authentic pair of Latin American Castanets on the other, thinking to myself "Spending over 12,000 pesos on these isn't that bad. I mean, if I drank last night, I would've easily spent over 2,000 pesos anyway! And using my awesome, infallible deductive reasoning, I got a new guitar and Castanets I probably have no use for for only 10,000 pesos! What a steal! Maybe I should drop 3 thousand pesos on booze and food to celebrate with my poverty-stricken friends later!"

God, I can't wait to have a family and watch them die of hunger.

Anyway, after spending close to 15,000 pesos in one day, I suddenly remembered that was my dad's birthday and I really should get him something. Now you see, my family never says "I love you" too each other a lot. We show our affection for each other by buying expensive gifts. My parents got me my first car when I was 18, my mom snuck in Vina Morales in my room when I was 20 but she and I didn't end up having sex because I can't get my bird up (This could probably because I was so into drugs at that time), so I just asked her to rub my flaccid manhood until I fall asleep instead (an incident which would forever raise my sexuality as a subject of debate within the family); and only two years ago, my parents bought me an expensive-ass stereo system for my birthday.

Well that's them. Because I am both lazy and perpetually broke, I've been giving my parents cheap goldilocks cakes (mom) and lighters (dad) for the past ten years or so. This is in no way a measure of how much I love my mummers and dudders because seriously, do you think I'd give the gift of fat to my mom and lung cancer to my dad every year for 10 years if it was? Exactly.

Anyway, this year, I decided to give my dad an expensive (150 Pesos), parrot-shaped lighter! It even makes bird sounds while its eyes light up when you use it! Yay me! Yay dad! Happy birthday! I hope you enjoy your cancer!

Also, I am not going to talk about what happened in our gig. I'll let the recording below do the talking, because really, it's so horrible, it's too soon for me to talk about it. Enjoy. Assholes.